I want to touch on a more serious topic today and that topic just so happens to be domestic violence, and the trauma it has behind it and how it has affected me as a human being in ways only I can see. First thing is first I once will be having names changed in honor of the persons privacy.
Now before all the madness happened I was a normal 18 year old girl practically fresh out of high school. I ,prior to that, was a runaway but that is a different experience for another time. I had ended up living with my older sister and her family and a few roommates we had. Now not to bash anyone but everything was less then great and I had found new ways of getting into trouble. Now as sweet as I am, a lot of guys on the block had favored me. One guy particular across the way was Bradley. Now he was a nice guy and has been nothing less than nice to me ever since he got my number from walking me home one fine day. That was all new to me, I had never really had guys get my number before as crazy as that sounds. Now we never really dated because well like everyone I was young and stupid and was really struggling with myself at the time. I cannot say him and I did not have fun though.
Now the eccentricity of my sister's roommates led me to meet Jack. Let me tell you about Jack. He was an all-American, stoner, gangster, cowboy. With the most country accent, it was so cute plus what could not help was the fact that he had these beautiful hazel eyes and great hair. Now how did I come across him? Well, the story was that my sister's roommates Allen and Eva were down the lane smoking at the local park and they just so happen to be getting high like they always do, and lucky for them and me, I guess they happen to run into him and decided to bring him home. Kind of like a lost puppy, although it is safe to say he was not lost. I do remember it coming up in conversation though that they sort of brought him home for me. I was sort of made fun of at the time because I liked white guys and him being there was the gist of the joke.
Now first coming down stairs after they told me what happened I wasn't sure what I was expecting and neither was he as we both stood there confused. Now naturally Allen and Eva did come downstairs too remove the awkward tension but after that we hit it off well! What I learned is that he worked on cars and had roommates of his own and the best thing about the whole thing was that he only lived 6 blocks away, from then on I felt like we would be seeing a lot of each other. I think my favorite thing about him was that he carried a backpack full of necessities. That and he was short, because short people are great. At the time I didn't really see us being a thing until one solid night we all had a group hang out and for some reason we let Allen and Eva talk us into having sex outside. That was quite a journey might I add, and also might I add Jack Jr...was wow...I am sure we are already catching my drift.
I was left feeling stupid because that was initially my first one night stand I guess? However the fuck you say it, it was his too. Now after getting made fun of and patronized by my sister we both sat there on the stairs that night and kind of reflected and talk about the bad decision we had just made and turns out that Jack was pretty chill, so chill he specifically told me if we didn't sit and have the talk we were having he wouldn't have ever talked to me again because slutty girls weren't his thing. We sat there in the cold and talked for hours and hours on end, and what ends up happening I will tell you...I ended up in fucking like. Yes tat crucial moment in a girls life where nothing makes sense and you end up bawling like an idiot confront of your crush. Good thing for me I was awkward in the first place so it didn't really make a difference to me.
We initially did end up dating and we got really close and everyday I waited on the stairs for him too get off of work. We hung out and everything was great, now I am not saying there were problems in the background because of course there were. Tension grew between Allen and Jack and everyone else in the house. It usually happens like that because whenever I'm happy no one likes it and everyone else has too fuck it up for me. Things got so bad we would spend hours at the park or at the nearest McDonald's and I would come home late which no one cared about and I preferred it that way. Some nights I wouldn't go in the house and stay outside dancing on the porch to release negative feelings. The beaut of it was that he was having problems at his own place as well, so I actually felt understood, and that's usually a first because I don't make sense too anyone.
Unfortunately I wasn't working at the time otherwise things would have fared out better if you asked me, but he worked and we got the crazy idea that we could get an apartment and make it together. I know we were the pure definition of naive but that's okay what could we expect. We were young and in love at the time and no one could stop us at least so I thought. So I think you know what comes next ah yes the apartment, it was indeed a decent place but on our salary we couldn't be picky. The first few months were great, we were happy and could finally be ourselves! However as time went on problems arose, we had so many disagreements, from opinions too his insecurities and bathroom habits. The hitting didn't start there though where it started is a blur.
I distinctly remember one we had our drunk friends over Nadine and Bob, they had a dysfunctional relationship as well aside from some suicidal tendencies, but that's besides the point. The point was that I remember an argument broke out one night and we were standing there face too face and the air was so tense and due too Jacks nature I was definitely prepared for anything he was about to throw at me and within a split second it happened we were both on the floor wrestling on the floor hitting and all and it was so crazy because Bob was doing his best too pull us apart. It was fairly difficult as there were some hair pulling involved. After that I remember jack walking out and leaving for a few hours and I was left too it and talk too Nadine who was drunk out of her mind at the same time but it's okay because she was my support at the time since I wasn't really ready to go talk to my family.
It went on like that for a few months and each day it ate a little bit of my soul because at some point we had a baby on the way and I couldn't take the risk of losing the baby because this guy would always lose his shit and strike me. He was always so insecure and so sure I was cheating on him all the time. I forgot to mention the first few months I was locked up in the apartment and couldn't go anywhere. The first few weeks were difficult but I loved him and I dealt with it. Until this day I look back on it and I actually regret subjecting myself too any of that because later on little did I know it was gonna have a massive affect on me. However when the relationship started dissolve I started going places and making friends at the local college and what a breath of fresh air that was.
The worst part of it was, that the staff of the apartment knew he was hitting me and none of them really did anything or said anything about it either and that alone was the worst feeling because I honestly thought like wow this a real thing happening in front of their eyes and they have nothing too say. They had no help too offer what so ever so I think because of that I decided not too tell my family because I didn't I would get cared about in that case, but the few friends I did tell actually did something about it. After that he sort of got the message but everything still went until a month later and neither of knew that, that final argument would separate us for good. Getting sprayed in the face with bleach and getting sent too the hospital wasn't great but that was it I had enough and I wasn't going to go back. So I texts my sister everything that happened and we figured it all out at the hospital, and I ended right back with may other sister, the one who I lived with before I ran off with this boy. The circle started off all over again except this time I was alone and pregnant.
I was under the illusion that I was all better but I wasn't, the worse things came later. I and Jack kept in touch on Face book because of the baby but he wanted me back, others were telling me no but my heart was so desperately wanting him back because I felt safe. The ultimate conclusion is he left a month later and next thing you know it seemed like he had the perfect life. I had found someone and he was married with another son. Once again I felt all alone and that was the worst part but here I am now with a beautiful smart baby boy working a decent job, while he can't find the time too stay out of jail. Karma came back around though, he called me up saying how abusive his now ex was and how he was sorry for putting me through it all that other stuff but I don't actually believe him I mean how could I. Plus I was happy now and I didn't need him.
The moral of this narrative is if you feel unsafe in your relationship get help ASAP!! Don't wait!! I know it hard but you have to be strong because you never know when its going too cost you your life.
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