Gym crusades

I think the hardest thing I ever had to do was go back to the gym. After two kids my body and my confidence were in the toilet and it sucked. So I get this wild hair up my ass and decide the best thing in the world for me was to go back to the gym and build my confidence, also what didn't help was my weight lifting friend was always posting pictures of her toned out self. So I figure I could do it if she can do it, so can I.

The hardest thing about going back to the gym was the part where I had to pull myself together in the car and no have a heart attack on the way in. After that I decided to flake, sounds awful yes but what can you do. I felt like I wasn't cut out for the gym anymore simply because I had gained all this new found baby weight and as far as I know people in my age group were having a hard time losing the weight and things like that. So I figure I was just going to fail and be the latter. I had spent all my days in the mean time obsessing on how I was going to back and what schedule I wanted to be on, simply because I had to have enough time to go to sleep and what not. Usually I made the time other times I got too lazy and decided to switch up my rest days waitlist complaining on why I could never lose weight.

One afternoon when I had the money I swallowed the courage to go in and sign up, the beauty of it was that I got a discount and that there was no backing out now. I went in and got in depth tour with one of managers there, and boy was he fit. He helped me set goals and set me up with a personal trainer. I felt confident after that, plus the man didn't look half bad if you ask me but then again the really cute girl at the desk was one who initially caught my eye. I felt good about myself I signed my paperwork and next thing you know I am at target trying to pick out work out clothes. I picked out a sports bra and coordinated outfit, I didnt have the shoes down just yet but it was only week one.

I went to the gym my first day and the one thing I started with was the treadmill. I wasn't really a runner but this time I didnt have a choice if you ask me I was super desperate to burn the fat. I hopped on the treadmill and did my best too figure out the buttons, not to mention I was already feeling self conscious about myself to begin with. I felt like people were staring at me and that made me feel even more weird if you ask me. Once I got the ball rolling it was great I would walk on the treadmill for about an hour and work my way up to a run. Keep in mind that I was feeling stupid a good portion of the time however that was normal I was told, things didn't get awkward until you had to wipe down the machines. Then you have to go search the whole place for a spray bottle it was the worst. If you didn't wipe down the machines people would stare you down into oblivion it was a mad place.

I didn't help you being fat on the treadmill and can only run for 5 minuets straight when the person next to you could go for an hour. It really made you feel small. I did my best not to subject myself in that manner. Weights were a whole different story because now you have to sit there for 5 minuets trying to figure out how to work the machine and how much you can lift while the person across the way stares at you with their really loud music and sweat filled exhaustion. After a while you pick a different direction too look in and you mind your own business. You would see a lot of the same people in the morning unlike you would in the afternoon but it felt great to walk out of that place trying to catch my breath with my limbs feeling like Jelly.

After a month of commitment, I finally found my place, Raquetball. Where it had great cardio and great people. I was apart of a real team for the first part of my life. Even though they were like a decade older then me it felt good. They had their jobs and I had mine and I really felt committed. Even on my selfish days where I only wanted to hit the weights or play a game by myself. The locker rooms were crazy, I never really got to see the body types up close but I didn't feel self conscious in there like I always do. I gained so much confidence I could breathe again, and thats where I spent all of my time in, I considered it a safe place. I was more on a mission to build muscle more then I was on anything else, so I went out and dedicated myself to those nasty protein drinks those body builders subjected themselves to. Those hit hard and there was no getting use to it in my opinion. I made sure to try out the pool every once in awhile but I cut that short since the pool was shallow and I kept swallowing the water.

Now lets fast forward about three month, did I lose any weight? No and I kinda fell of going to the gym since my car was in the shop like every other week but I do catch myself at different gyms from time to time and it feels nice to be back. Other days I feel stupid for starting over and my stomach is in knots but I always find new ways to get it together. I do wanna start trying new things. Boxing is definitely number one on my list.