Ed sheeran is more like a muse.

I have been surrounding myself in Ed Sheeran lately, especially in his song 'give me love', it makes me feel a false idea of what love actually is. It actually makes me feel ultra comfortable with myself, but it also makes me break out in tears, the tone is really sad and very clear. The video also throws me into a loop, it makes me feel lonely as if there isn’t anyone for me like there is for everyone else and I am really unhappy about that. Music and it's messages have such an influence on me, especially love songs like this. However, this is a different type of love song and it makes me feel like a different person, that’s what drives me wild. My perspective on love is totally changing and I have a hard time dealing with that because my heart is set in he concept of love and it won't change, well at least I didn’t think it would change, but I guess I was completely wrong like always. 

Give me love like her,
‘Cause lately I’ve been waking up alone,
Paint splattered teardrops on my shirt,
Told you I’d let them go,

And that I’ll fight my corner,
Maybe tonight I’ll call ya,
After my blood turns into alcohol,
No, I just wanna hold ya. 

 My whole life is based on the muse of love believe it or not, it has always been that way. If I couldn’t trust anything in this life, I knew that I could trust whatever love gave me. Well obviously that was the mindset I had as a child as bad as that sound, I really didn’t have much to go on. No one in this life gave me another factor to rely on and that sounds just as bad as well because I should be finding my own way in this life but I guess that isn’t happening anytime soon. I am just child at heart and I don’t want to grow up because I feel like if I do, I do nothing but get hurt in the end and I won't allow that because I have been hurt too many times.

Give a little time to me or burn this out,
We’ll play hide and seek to turn this around,
All I want is the taste that your lips allow,
My, my, my, my, oh give me love,
My, my, my, my, oh give me love,
My, my, my, my, oh give me love,
My, my, my, my, oh give me love,
My, my, my, my, give me love,

Give me love like never before,
‘Cause lately I’ve been craving more,
And it’s been a while but I still feel the same,
Maybe I should let you go,

I am probably going to continue to let myself get hurt because I really don’t know anything other than that. I spend my life sheltered in the idea that one day someone is going to love me and give me the world and if that doesn’t happen, the next idea was that maybe I could spend the rest of my life taking care of someone even if it wasn't a relationship. I know that really sounds foolish, but I’m invested in sheltering someone from the world at hand because I feel like no one should have to deal with whatever life dishes out. Now I know that I cant save everyone and that’s fine but the idea behind that is that I will find someone worth saving. Even though I already have but his problem is that he doesn’t want saving and that ruins me because he was something magical, something or someone I would put in a glass case and admire like they were the rarest thing on the planet. 

You know I’ll fight my corner,
And that tonight I’ll call ya,
After my blood is drowning in alcohol,
No, I just wanna hold ya.

Give a little time to me or burn this out,
We’ll play hide and seek to turn this around,
All I want is the taste that your lips allow,
My, my, my, my, oh give me love, 

This person wants to do the opposite and wants me to be the one who needs saving and as sweet as that sounds I cant put my trust into someone who thinks that way. Last time i did i ended up falling in the end and It isn’t something I would be comfortable doing because roaming around in the dark is dangerous and I don’t want to stumble again. However there is another problem, i may love this person to a point where i might actually go against myself and that hasn't happened for years. The back story to this person remains the same. they were used by the thing they loved and now they have no trust in this life, however I think there is a soft spot for me even though this person wont allow the power to be shifted. 

Give a little time to me or burn this out,
We’ll play hide and seek to turn this around,
All I want is the taste that your lips allow,
My, my, my, my, oh give me love,
My, my, my, my, oh give me love,
My, my, my, my, oh give me love,
My, my, my, my, oh give me love,
My, my, my, my, oh give me love.

M-my my, m-my my, m-my my, give me love, lover,
M-my my, m-my my, m-my my, give me love, lover,
M-my my, m-my my, m-my my, give me love, lover,
M-my my, m-my my, m-my my, give me love, lover.

That makes me crazy because I want this person to feel like they can be anything they want with me and vice versa. Maybe it will happen or maybe it wont, theres not much there is to be done about two people who have let themselves get hurt by love. I think this person is so interesting and smart it drives me crazy, every single day this person impresses me and they probably don't even understand what they mean to me. They probably don't think they are half as great as I think they are and that makes me sad because this person is so use to being treated so negatively they probably cant understand what its like to have someone who actually wants to surround them with their life. This person gets it to a point so I guess we are making some sort of progress.

M-my my, m-my my, m-my my, give me love, lover,
M-my my, m-my my, m-my my, give me love, lover,
M-my my, m-my my, m-my my, give me love, lover,
M-my my, m-my my, m-my my, give me love, lover (love me, love me, love me).

M-my my, m-my my, m-my my, give me love, lover (give me love),
M-my my, m-my my, m-my my, give me love, lover (give me love),
M-my my, m-my my, m-my my, give me love, lover (give me love, love me),
M-my my, m-my my, m-my my, give me love, lover (give me love).

This person is like my own personal hero its really crazy because I am not totally sure what types of decisions I would be making without this person giving me advice in the long term. This person really puts a smile on my face for the simple fact that they are so great to me and they allow me to be myself and personal with them even about tin they choose not to talk about. There isn't any backlash but just a bunch of feelings left unfinished. One day me and this person will make perfect sense to each other and everything is going to be super perfect and then next thing you know we are going to be perfect as well. Well at least i am hoping so.