Remember to forget me?

This is a narrative about my lack of ability to actually keep up with the important things I need to keep up with! Like appointments and bills and paperwork and things that need to be mailed and stamped and all these signatures and the impact on what happens say I don't get my paperwork in and done on time. That doesn't make me a bad person now does it? No but this day and age it makes me extremely irresponsible and nobody wants to be labeled as irresponsible weather it was true or not. I am not irresponsible sometimes I am just absent minded and I don't think a lot sometimes. As we fucking all. 

I am afraid to admit that I am one of those people who think they have more time then actually do if that makes sense. For example if I know a letter needed to be mailed a month from now, I will remember that and wait the last fucking minuet to actually get it in the mail, for example when I had to mail extra facts about my state taxes and that I had about a month to do so and it literally took me the last day to get it in the mail because, its like I have selective memory and I go into a panic stage once the timer runs out, like for example the day that I got in I was having all sorts of trouble I was even close too running late for work because I dropped my credit cared in the car and all this other good stuff All of that had started going wrong and I was still like fuck it maybe I have one more day to do it but it it turns out I had too cram everything in that day. Something of which I despise.

Remember what was also making this difficult was the fact that a whole bunch of adult goodness was thrown in the mix, how? Well I actually didn't know how to mail a letter and how to figure out the P.O boxes and FedEx and all this other stuff, So what did I do? I managed to get everything in the envelope and seal it, and with all the might in me give it too the postal worker who told me I did everything correctly and that I did a good job, That was the relief I needed at that moment because I did feel like a total dumb ass because it was like how on earth am I going to figure out how to mail a letter, I mean was I that far behind? Then again most people my age couldn't figure out how to cook or schedule their own doctors appointments, all it seemed like they knew how to do was go to work and spend the money that they earned. All I knew how to do was manage kids and a very unsustainable food habit. Maybe I wasn't cut out for this whole line of work.

The bright side is I did get my take in and though I didn't get too much back, it seemed as fair, it was working for the better I guess. I could also be wrong too though. I haven't been very good with deadline either! Not even at work where I actually say, have to keep up with the metrics. That still doesn't promote me to be as half as productive as I could normally be. I never let it get me down though I strive too be the best that I could be and I felt like at the time that's all that mattered and I made my way through the world, just like that. Now I am in no way shape or form am saying that, that works for everyone because sometimes it doesn't and I know that doesn't make sense and I am starting too sound like I am preaching but I'm not. I just want to figure out why some of us are more schedule oriented then others and how come in the adult life it isn't some mandatory thing? 

 Maybe its me? Or so I thought until I noticed more and more that it wasn't just me falling behind! Everybody I knew was remembering too forget. It is like second hand nature at this point, nothing except that hardwired "get it done and get it done now, but wait if you can" mentality was already drilled into us and we didn't know how to act about it. It feels like people my age are so leisure about letters and time that we can't quite put it together that maybe this is what our parents would've wanted. To be in control that much longer? No! I didn't just over think it that hard, it was just a question to make you ponder this just as much as I did in the earlier weeks following this point. No one ever finds the time too think about it and that's okay because life is always getting in the way of such things. 

For the most part we have it under control, most other days we found that, that delusion could only entertain us for so long and then we snack back to reality. The only things that we couldn't possibly allow to be late is our periods and that goes for men as well as the women. We are so scared of it because its like that's an entire human being who is sort of going to chip away at the time that we barely had to begin with. With everyone and their existential crisis, time was definitely of the essence and that if you lost too much of it, you were going to turn 60 and sit in your chair and slowly regret everything from the past. We all are striving to be the really cool old people who had book on top of book of memories. An epic, a legend so they say. We all wanted it but this day an age we all admit that adulating is too hard and that we can't keep up so we excepted that and we pass by day by day talking new and meaningless selfies. 

I wasn't trapped in this cycle, I was too busy learning new things, complaining about my job, and being useless. I am still figuring it out but I am getting there and everyone else will too at this point and I believe in them as I believe in you. We are growing up too fast and there is nothing to do to stop it, but now I think we know that we have a formula, and a system that is miserably working. Just go out and keep finding new things to do but this time try and make sure that those new things to do are on the way past a mailbox in case you have adult stuff to do.