Now I want to take you back to my teen years where I had the most scaring incident in my entire life. It gave me different view and different comfort area around my brother at some point in time. Any male related person in that case as well if you ask me, the whole incident was weird and it did scar me a bit in the later years, even had an effect on the type of porn that I watched but thats a whole other thing. I know I'm not making any sense but when you find out what happened, you will figure out why my brain is super scrambled.
Being 17 was wild that year and I had found the time to get myself in heaps of trouble. There was a point where I got caught outside the night before with a got named Able that I met online. We didn't do anything we just made out in his backseat and talked about record labels. Don't get me wrong we tried to do stuff but the space wasn't right. I got caught outside by my dad that night. Next thing you know he tells my step brother and I end up biting him on the nose to get him to let me go. After that I ran out of the apartments and I made my way too my boyfriends college and I went in to see the counselor and I told him everything that happened. A very important person in my life had just passed so I guess you could say I wasn't coping very well.
The safe house for teens were cool but I want to fast forward where I start living with my estranged mother in her house where a few of her friends live. That was crazy, I never pictured the day where I would end up living with my psychotic LSD fueled druggie mom, If you would have told me then, I wouldn't have believed it. Most days are level other days it was so loud you couldn't sleep. However what triggered things was the first day my brother came home and all three of the rooms were filled so we watched a movie on the couch together, nothing wrong with that right. I laid my head down on his lap watching the movie. Who came up walking down the stairs, our mother who quickly but silently snatched me by hair and told me "We don't do nasty hoe shit keep your p**** off of my son"and she pushed me to the floor. My brother was arguing in the background calling her all types of names. They took it out front as I lay there crying on the side of the couch.
My brother comes back to comfort me and remind me that mom was always going withdrawals and thats why she has weird thoughts like that. I got use to it, every time she we would see us together she would throw dirty looks and seedy remarks. We paid it no mind at the time and we hung out at the time and we continued to hang out and would sit on his lap like I used to do because he was so much older then me. Everything was fine, until one day he goes away and we start texting. The convo always got hyper sexual, and it started to make me feel weird. What made the situation worse was when I sent a topless pic of me to him instead of my then boyfriend. It wasn't weird because all he responded back was "sexy, guys like those".
I didn't feel like I was doing anything wrong because he would always tell me "don't feel weird Ada I'm your brother Im a guy who can tell what other girls like people are stupid this isn't nasty". To me at the time getting my ass handed to me in the emotionally abusive house hold, that was the only comfort I had. So I rolled with it and talked about it and sent pics everyday the problem was his comforting tone turned more aggressive and all I could here is "If mom finds out about this she's throwing you out, you're the whore not me, nasty" or "mom warned me about you and your promiscuity didn't think you were this sick". It made my skin crawl and he would always get on me about it and it sucked. What could I do he was right, but its not like we actually did anything. As long as we kept it over text we were good.
That was going great for awhile and mom dropped her suspicions. Things were peaceful up until a week later she's accusing of banging her second boyfriend. That took awhile to die down because she was telling he whole family even though nothing was ever proved. After that me and him stopped talking and he getting into meth pretty good. One day he comes home and decides to spend the night after a weekend binge and we tell him okay we can split my room, now if guess what the worst idea was I feel like this one for sure was on the list. He's in there passed out on the floor and guess who has to get ready for a date me, so I figure if I throw all the blankets on me and get dressed fast with the lights off he won't see anything and everything was fine until I had to find the phone going off in room and silence it before anyone woke up. Keep in mine I am butt naked holding the girls, my brother is passed out on the floor somewhere.
Unfortunately I tripped over him in the dark and he freaks out pinning me down, I was trying to wiggle out from under him and all he did is hold me down "Chantal you dog what are you doing in my private space" he's groping my neck and breasts as I try and get his attention. The shocker?! Mom rushes in the room and turns on the light to find her kids caught in the worst act. I figured you seen this coming, but what you didn't expect her to walk in and then later grabbed me by my hair and dragged me into the kitchen. My brother is freaking out saying who thought I was and that he was too high. Mom didn't buy it, she was convinced we were doing the dirty. That story spread like wild fire but not the part she left me at a target too sleep but thats another story. To this day we were cool and no one spoke of it in the long run.
The story spread through the family and some believed it and some did not and they dragged my name through the mud and it really hurt how I viewed my brother. My whole world was twisted and I had the most surreal experience and it didn't seem real and that these stories only happened on the internet but it was happening to me and it was making me crazy I didn't like the potential reputation this could lead too but it turned out I was other thing and that I was getting delusional. It breathed some life into me for the most part. However nothing ever came of it except a crazy girlfriend and the occasional estranged brother of mine other then that my dignity was the only thing thats was lost through out this ordeal but I learned from it.
No comments:
Post a Comment