Where we left off was I had this whole thing going on at work where I was busting my ass to become a team lead. You know because that one team lead who believed in me but as time when on and a bunch of crazy shit jumped off I have shot that horse in the face and have decided to move on and find better goals. So this is a narrative of why ambition has never worked out in my favor letssssss goooo!!!!!
Now it all started with the shit talking asshole I call my co workers, who all seemed like they had an extreme distaste for Raul and his nice smile and kind ways. For example we are all in this new project at tesla and to be fair nobody in my group knew what the hell they were doing but when they got a tiny taste of knowledge they all took an inch and turned it into a mile. Especially my Supervisor who to this day doesn't know if he's coming or going. Now because of the way everyone was lacking they figured since Raul was the team lead he should be the fall guy. (I know, they're being those people) I did my best to back him up but of course I have no credibility to this day.
Now it was because of all of that stigma, that I came to work to find that Raul got moved to the dock. I guess you could say that I was devastated, and most definitely devastated. I also remember running to the bathroom crying as if someone shot my puppy. Not just for the fact that he got moved but for the fact that Markiz was going to take his place. Now the only reason this was a bad thing was because I got extremely bad vibes from this dude and I knew instantly that we weren't going to click but of course I gave it the benefit of the doubt only to be bit in the ass by it later.
When I went to go talk to Raul about it he seemed pretty happy to be moved and sort of indirectly stated that the people in my area were venom and that he was happy to be less stressed. I have to admit I had to give him props for making such a solid point and after that I guess you could say I was happy for him and we went our separate ways. I took the time after that to study Marckiz and to be honest I didn't like what he had to offer in anyway shape or form, and I could he feel that he didn't like the vibe I was running on either and that wasn't a shocker. Me as a person I am indeed an acquired taste. However that's still no excuse to be treated like a potato by some over confident midget.
He moved fast and he was demanding and he picked an chose when he was going to support you on the work that you did. The total OPPOSITE of Raul. I had gotten comfortable on the flow Raul had me on so I didn't plan on budging no matter how many demands he threw out at me. He was OCD and it was extra annoying he spent more time cleaning then actually getting more parts out and that wasn't even the worst part. The worst part was that sometimes he had this attitude that would make you smile but at the same time make you want to punch him in the face it was always a power struggle and it drove me crazy because sometime he had the habit of making me feel like less of a person.
That monster liked to rear his ugly head because we found ourselves in verbal disputes one day we got into a dispute so bad that it turned into an HR matter. I can't really say it was us that was more so just an employee deciding to stick their face where it didn't belong. Which was in the verbal dispute between me and a team lead but hey what can you do? Looking back on it we still laugh. However I will admit I wasn't laughing when I got issued that write up especially in front of my Super...If we could make a whole thing out of that, it would be a rant about how awkward it was when your super is trying to have an honest moment with you while you are in trouble.
I just remembered going back to work after that and deciding, I no longer wanted anything to do with leading a team because, then I would have to deal with someone like me and well that cup of tea is bitter so I decided to pour it into someone else cup and move on with my life and just be a regular associate you know the usual. Looking back on it I don't really regret it but at the same time its nice not to be in charge. It also sucked that I would have to kill the awkward crush that I had on Markiz. Im not attracted to men in a way I was attracted to him being so aloof to things and the way he smiled and messed with his hair.
To bad he's a married man now and i have to look the other way, plus I have my own relationship going on so I guess I can only dream about what we could have been. I will add that ambition had come out to play but it is a game of cat and chase right now. I have a couple of new endeavors coming up in the future but honestly they are something I am scared of. Not because I cant do it but because sometimes my follow through game isn't always the best when you look at it. I am still finding my way but eventually I do.
Moral of the story find out what you want to do in life and chase it. If that doesn't work out then always pursue other possibilities.
Wednesday, December 20, 2017
Wednesday, October 25, 2017
Team lead or team loss?
Once upon a time someone told me that I should have more ambition when it comes to my job. I use to think that was true. Well I didn't start thinking it was true until I had a couple of people who believed in me well initially it was one person and even then I felt like that was really half assed because I showed no interest in anything except for myself. Well that wasn't entirely true I guess.
Now in my original area that I started I wasn't really recognized except by the other people in the surrounding areas and those compliments didn't really count because I couldn't use that to let the other people on my line see just how great I am. It was that point on that I wasn't too worried about for the simple fact that. Why should I bust may ass for people who dont care to recognize me. I did that at my last two jobs and I refused to let it happen again. So what did I do? I stayed in the background and I kept my mouth shut. As much as I could at least and I did my best to not let others break my spirit. It didn't always work but when it did I would run to the bathroom and cry sometimes (all the time).
Now that was just the daily for the first few month, now when I got moved to an entirely different area things got crazy. My AM was batshit and my supervisor couldn't tell if he was coming or going some of the time. Its was really weird if you ask me. I hated it at first but hey why did I care. It was my interest to stay in the background and it stayed like that the first few weeks until I started making friends in my area. Slowly I started to notice the potential I had and how many opportunities showed up before me in the process. The greatest part was I got to switch back and forth between the teams because I got bored and tired of my work. Once I got settled in on team three though everything got better and I was sort happy with my placement.
It was then when I found my place after meeting Raul. he was one of the team leads and one of the very first ones who started seeing potential in me before anyone else did. Thanks to that small spark, I asked him everyday to teach me something new and slowly it progressed to me being able to run my own small group of people. I felt like I could actually go somewhere in life. That lasted for a short while because I still too busy having flings in the background and chasing my own rules. Something I try not to do on the regular. The cool thing was when I finally applied myself me and Raul sort of bonded and it was the most awkward yet beautiful thing.
Within the next few days he was passing on his knowledge to me. Every little thing no matter how small it was. I took that knowledge and I learned from it and I found it within myself to grow. I will add that of course the people in the background weren't the happiest about it and I had a lot of battles here and there and I guess you could say I had lost a few friends along the way. However I didn't really feel like they were down for the ride in the first place and that was a terrible feeling. However I was old enough and I grew up and I moved on.
The worst par about it was when it came time to give small orders I had to actually put my food down and be assertive. Something I wasn't good at in the first place, I mean I always say I'm 5ft and that my attitude is 6'5. Thats just talk deep down I am a sensitive human being. Now anyways back to the narrative. Me and Raul were cool and he had high hopes for me to lead the team and with that one of the other leads came around to give me guidance because I was for sure lost in a wave of self doubt. Something I had been carrying with me for a long time even when I was growing up.
It was the first time I actually;y felt like I had a purpose at a job and that was a big accomplishment on my end. I woke up everyday feeling like I can't be beat. However it did get super annoying and most days I didn't feel like stepping into work because the people were difficult. I pressed on with barely any recognition from my supervisor, he was lost but he was hard to please and he didn't hesitate tell you who's sinking and who's swimming. I wasn't swimming I was just staying a float but like I said I pressed on. I have to admit I went on a slight power trip because I got jealous that the other sheeple were learning things. I would like to say I played fair but I figured its my time to shine that I should run with it.
That didn't last long my team was falling behind the other teams and all this extra stuff and the highly discouraged me didn't hesitate to let it happen. That was all bad and I shouldn't have done that. This isn't was I was cut out for and slowly at a time I have realized that. I have backed off a lot and have just been hanging out in the background. I don't know if anything I learned will pay off but I truly hope it does and even though my team lead got moved to the dock. Which is in the back end of the warehouse and I hardly get to see him. I am pressing on with my new team lead and though its difficult I guess I don't have a choice because this is my life now.
Moral of the story: If you have ambition don't second guess yourself!! P.S I don't know how this story ends because this is an on going chronicle thing lol
Now in my original area that I started I wasn't really recognized except by the other people in the surrounding areas and those compliments didn't really count because I couldn't use that to let the other people on my line see just how great I am. It was that point on that I wasn't too worried about for the simple fact that. Why should I bust may ass for people who dont care to recognize me. I did that at my last two jobs and I refused to let it happen again. So what did I do? I stayed in the background and I kept my mouth shut. As much as I could at least and I did my best to not let others break my spirit. It didn't always work but when it did I would run to the bathroom and cry sometimes (all the time).
Now that was just the daily for the first few month, now when I got moved to an entirely different area things got crazy. My AM was batshit and my supervisor couldn't tell if he was coming or going some of the time. Its was really weird if you ask me. I hated it at first but hey why did I care. It was my interest to stay in the background and it stayed like that the first few weeks until I started making friends in my area. Slowly I started to notice the potential I had and how many opportunities showed up before me in the process. The greatest part was I got to switch back and forth between the teams because I got bored and tired of my work. Once I got settled in on team three though everything got better and I was sort happy with my placement.
It was then when I found my place after meeting Raul. he was one of the team leads and one of the very first ones who started seeing potential in me before anyone else did. Thanks to that small spark, I asked him everyday to teach me something new and slowly it progressed to me being able to run my own small group of people. I felt like I could actually go somewhere in life. That lasted for a short while because I still too busy having flings in the background and chasing my own rules. Something I try not to do on the regular. The cool thing was when I finally applied myself me and Raul sort of bonded and it was the most awkward yet beautiful thing.
Within the next few days he was passing on his knowledge to me. Every little thing no matter how small it was. I took that knowledge and I learned from it and I found it within myself to grow. I will add that of course the people in the background weren't the happiest about it and I had a lot of battles here and there and I guess you could say I had lost a few friends along the way. However I didn't really feel like they were down for the ride in the first place and that was a terrible feeling. However I was old enough and I grew up and I moved on.
The worst par about it was when it came time to give small orders I had to actually put my food down and be assertive. Something I wasn't good at in the first place, I mean I always say I'm 5ft and that my attitude is 6'5. Thats just talk deep down I am a sensitive human being. Now anyways back to the narrative. Me and Raul were cool and he had high hopes for me to lead the team and with that one of the other leads came around to give me guidance because I was for sure lost in a wave of self doubt. Something I had been carrying with me for a long time even when I was growing up.
It was the first time I actually;y felt like I had a purpose at a job and that was a big accomplishment on my end. I woke up everyday feeling like I can't be beat. However it did get super annoying and most days I didn't feel like stepping into work because the people were difficult. I pressed on with barely any recognition from my supervisor, he was lost but he was hard to please and he didn't hesitate tell you who's sinking and who's swimming. I wasn't swimming I was just staying a float but like I said I pressed on. I have to admit I went on a slight power trip because I got jealous that the other sheeple were learning things. I would like to say I played fair but I figured its my time to shine that I should run with it.
That didn't last long my team was falling behind the other teams and all this extra stuff and the highly discouraged me didn't hesitate to let it happen. That was all bad and I shouldn't have done that. This isn't was I was cut out for and slowly at a time I have realized that. I have backed off a lot and have just been hanging out in the background. I don't know if anything I learned will pay off but I truly hope it does and even though my team lead got moved to the dock. Which is in the back end of the warehouse and I hardly get to see him. I am pressing on with my new team lead and though its difficult I guess I don't have a choice because this is my life now.
Moral of the story: If you have ambition don't second guess yourself!! P.S I don't know how this story ends because this is an on going chronicle thing lol
Monday, October 23, 2017
Bar fights and green jolly ranchers?
The awkward gloomy situations are the ones I use to get myself into. This time it started at work. Oh you know a lot of great ideas come from this place. Well I guess it just depends on where you work at and how good the relationships and string cheese are. The ones at McDonalds are all right except it gives you that extra stringy string of cheese, and it all starts getting gummy in your mouth and hard to swallow no matter how much saliva in the back covered it. Gross but keep that picture the next time your ex comes over and to collect his things and it ends up you both having amateur sex while your puppy sits and stares a you. It was indeed that bad. this narrative also includes cheap bar behavior with the friend that passes out and gets right back up to party. Thanks for reading this bull****.....
Well first off I want to add that I am not the instigator in this incident. I was just a bystander in the mix of it all until my friends start getting wilder and wilder. Did I also mention that some of these people were in other narratives. Now the ones who have been reading in the lines in most of my posts now where my story is going. Now if you didn't get it in that instance then you will receive the message towards the end.All we can do is hope Jethro.
Anywayyys so I am twenty-three right and I have met the most immaculate set of friends that you can imagine. I was hanging out with Valencia she was this tall thick petite little Samoan girl with six kids. She looked 25 but she was 40. She had these Sapphire blue eyes with a hint of cinnamon and emerald and when she bat her eyes the world she had full lips that she tries to make pout all the time and she's this amazing adventure of a background that people often doubt and everyone just loves her frontal lobes honestly they were the greatest thing ever seen but that's just my opinion. She was a really hot but really sweet girl who every dog in the street wanted to bang and when the good boys would come around she'd break their hearts and stole their dignity in a flash.
The next friend on this list is Kiara and boy did she have all the sass in the world. Attitude left and right and boy was it killer. She landed herself in trouble a lot and really didn't think anything of it. She had this really unhealthy and intense relationship with her girlfriend Nicole. All they do is Skype each other all day long. It got gross too look at at some point if you ask me. We all have our opinions and I guess mine doesn't count at the moment. I just know she was a heavy drinker, killer at make up, and had two snakes she took care of. Which she tell us weird Anecdotes about. Not too often mainly in the bathroom where you will find all of the other weird stories. So far there haven't been any good ones and that disappoints me actually. She was cool painstakingly annoying but cool.
We all formed a bond at some point and can't quite figure out when but I just know at this rate we were doing everything together. Valencia and Nicole a little more since they had the most in common. They were indeed the best frenemies I have seen since mean girls (I feel like that's the first and last time I am going to mention that movie). We had developed fun habits by going out and getting shit faced at the bar while pretending we weren't driving home. The bar was usually awkward. The other girls had all the guys hitting on them, while I counted sips that I took out of the straw. I'm not eye candy no matter how much people tell me that.
This one particular night at the bar was bit more fun. We didn't go into work that day and decided to hang out at the bar before last call and go meet up with all of the other employees drowning their work sorrows in the bottle of their glasses. It tasted like despair in the room and boy did it taste disgusting. The worst part was the girls were picking up some truly guys and didn't think about it before inviting them to go out side and hang and talk with us and we attempted to stand still for a few rounds. The conversation went well and Nicole was basking in the attention as Valencia sat there and sulked about bad memories. I on the other had found a nice guy to talk too simply because he wasn't being taken seriously by his other friends.
That turned out to be all bad if you ask me and the reason for that being was he tried multiple attempts to kiss me and guess what? he obviously got swerved the whole time and even then that didn't bother him enough to stop. The only cool thing about the situation was I got a free drink out of it and all of that was cool up until its time for us to break apart and go home. Keep in mind my lover was texting me to pick them up. So you know where this goes its already chaos if you ask me. I'm late and Valencia is gone bring another fuck boy home to cuddle with and Nicole was gonna bum rides off of people going the same way. However she decided the stranger that Valencia was kissing on was gonna take her home and if you haven't guess it already that turned out to be the worst thing ever.
He and the guy start arguing because she picked up her lunch bad which was identical to his and started poking around in it. Of course the guy panics because it turns out there was a gun in his lunch box and he chose that moment to be paranoid about it. Well here it goes guys, they start arguing and getting into each other faces. Nicole and the fuck boy stranger. Valencia tried to calm the situation but she decided that going home and banging the stranger was more important she kept on being his eye candy. Which was expected. The worst part about it was his friend tries to Cop a feel so I turn around and punch him and next thing you know we are on the ground socking each other. He was doing his best not to hit a female but I was making it exceptionally hard.
In the background everyone is fighting and finally after beating his friends ass I get in the middle of the group and I start calming everyone down and I was sending them to their corner spaces of the world it was working for the mean time but adults can be stubborn if you ask anyone really. Keep in mind I am still getting chewed out for not picking my lover up on time. Also keep in mind that I am shit faced and the room keeps spinning and I can barely hold it together at this point. However I did manage to get home safe after me and Nicole discussed everything in the car and why she wasn't going to be Valencias friend anymore because she chose the guy over their friendship. I forgot to mention that I woke up the next day with a pain in my hip. Shit was ultra crazy.
I can only blame myself because that's what I get for sucking down hard liquor with a group of people with awkward interest and a popularity standard. My moral of the story: Don't let your friends reckless behavior get you fucked up at a bar.
Well first off I want to add that I am not the instigator in this incident. I was just a bystander in the mix of it all until my friends start getting wilder and wilder. Did I also mention that some of these people were in other narratives. Now the ones who have been reading in the lines in most of my posts now where my story is going. Now if you didn't get it in that instance then you will receive the message towards the end.All we can do is hope Jethro.
Anywayyys so I am twenty-three right and I have met the most immaculate set of friends that you can imagine. I was hanging out with Valencia she was this tall thick petite little Samoan girl with six kids. She looked 25 but she was 40. She had these Sapphire blue eyes with a hint of cinnamon and emerald and when she bat her eyes the world she had full lips that she tries to make pout all the time and she's this amazing adventure of a background that people often doubt and everyone just loves her frontal lobes honestly they were the greatest thing ever seen but that's just my opinion. She was a really hot but really sweet girl who every dog in the street wanted to bang and when the good boys would come around she'd break their hearts and stole their dignity in a flash.
The next friend on this list is Kiara and boy did she have all the sass in the world. Attitude left and right and boy was it killer. She landed herself in trouble a lot and really didn't think anything of it. She had this really unhealthy and intense relationship with her girlfriend Nicole. All they do is Skype each other all day long. It got gross too look at at some point if you ask me. We all have our opinions and I guess mine doesn't count at the moment. I just know she was a heavy drinker, killer at make up, and had two snakes she took care of. Which she tell us weird Anecdotes about. Not too often mainly in the bathroom where you will find all of the other weird stories. So far there haven't been any good ones and that disappoints me actually. She was cool painstakingly annoying but cool.
We all formed a bond at some point and can't quite figure out when but I just know at this rate we were doing everything together. Valencia and Nicole a little more since they had the most in common. They were indeed the best frenemies I have seen since mean girls (I feel like that's the first and last time I am going to mention that movie). We had developed fun habits by going out and getting shit faced at the bar while pretending we weren't driving home. The bar was usually awkward. The other girls had all the guys hitting on them, while I counted sips that I took out of the straw. I'm not eye candy no matter how much people tell me that.
This one particular night at the bar was bit more fun. We didn't go into work that day and decided to hang out at the bar before last call and go meet up with all of the other employees drowning their work sorrows in the bottle of their glasses. It tasted like despair in the room and boy did it taste disgusting. The worst part was the girls were picking up some truly guys and didn't think about it before inviting them to go out side and hang and talk with us and we attempted to stand still for a few rounds. The conversation went well and Nicole was basking in the attention as Valencia sat there and sulked about bad memories. I on the other had found a nice guy to talk too simply because he wasn't being taken seriously by his other friends.
That turned out to be all bad if you ask me and the reason for that being was he tried multiple attempts to kiss me and guess what? he obviously got swerved the whole time and even then that didn't bother him enough to stop. The only cool thing about the situation was I got a free drink out of it and all of that was cool up until its time for us to break apart and go home. Keep in mind my lover was texting me to pick them up. So you know where this goes its already chaos if you ask me. I'm late and Valencia is gone bring another fuck boy home to cuddle with and Nicole was gonna bum rides off of people going the same way. However she decided the stranger that Valencia was kissing on was gonna take her home and if you haven't guess it already that turned out to be the worst thing ever.
He and the guy start arguing because she picked up her lunch bad which was identical to his and started poking around in it. Of course the guy panics because it turns out there was a gun in his lunch box and he chose that moment to be paranoid about it. Well here it goes guys, they start arguing and getting into each other faces. Nicole and the fuck boy stranger. Valencia tried to calm the situation but she decided that going home and banging the stranger was more important she kept on being his eye candy. Which was expected. The worst part about it was his friend tries to Cop a feel so I turn around and punch him and next thing you know we are on the ground socking each other. He was doing his best not to hit a female but I was making it exceptionally hard.
In the background everyone is fighting and finally after beating his friends ass I get in the middle of the group and I start calming everyone down and I was sending them to their corner spaces of the world it was working for the mean time but adults can be stubborn if you ask anyone really. Keep in mind I am still getting chewed out for not picking my lover up on time. Also keep in mind that I am shit faced and the room keeps spinning and I can barely hold it together at this point. However I did manage to get home safe after me and Nicole discussed everything in the car and why she wasn't going to be Valencias friend anymore because she chose the guy over their friendship. I forgot to mention that I woke up the next day with a pain in my hip. Shit was ultra crazy.
I can only blame myself because that's what I get for sucking down hard liquor with a group of people with awkward interest and a popularity standard. My moral of the story: Don't let your friends reckless behavior get you fucked up at a bar.
Saturday, October 21, 2017
My journey into Body Mod: Part 2
Here we go guys the second part of the chronicle as I take you down my journey into body mod! However this post is specifically about my industrial bar its already been two months and it has been pretty easy. I got lucky and haven't had an infection yet however I have been taking a few bumps with it and with that being said I have developed keloids they started off slow but its gradual in growth and they don't bother me. I have been taking time out to care for them by trying out aspirin paste and so far that has been working out well enough for me.
If you pay attention to the white specs that would be the residue from the aspirin, I was running kind of late this morning and I didn't have enough time to wash the paste off the way I wanted to. However if you look closer you will see the lumps next too the entry and exits point. They have decreased in size and I wish I took a picture prior to the healing process so you all could spot the difference. It isn't hard to mange I clean it with salt water everyday and now I use the paste for about 5 min after everything is going well.
Thursday, October 19, 2017
Once upon a fling thing
(Intro in the style of the fresh prince theme) Heres a little story all about how I met this guy and some fling thing got turned upside down, I'd like to take a minuet just wait right there I'll tell you all about how this fling thing gave me an emotional scare.
Now I would like to start this off with a disclosure notice for those who are new to my blog and what not. The disclosure being that names and certain details will be changed to protect the identity of the other person and to also protect me in case this does come up later thank you!
So for the last few months I have ben working at Tesla (for those who doesn't know what that is I encourage all of you to go take a look and learn some stuff). Now Ive been with Tesla for a few months now and in that process. I happen to have met a nice guy by the name of Elias. Which was a great name by the way because I love that name. Anyway Elias was cool we didn't talk much at first but later on we kinda bonded on vibes and his love for contemporary musicians. He wasn't my best friend but he was pretty close and we always found time to talk in the parking lot next to our job.
It was pretty cool I made all these friends at work and we all talked and added each other on snapchat. There wasn't like a "I like him" thing going on at first until one day I am on the freeway driving home and like always we talk the conversation took a turn when he started constantly calling me cute. Normally I didn't think anything of it of course but after him throwing out like 8 compliments I caught on and it was like wild fire because I caught myself flirting back. Which was weird it didn't feel right talking to a new guy after Jake had made his departure but I figured why not lets give this moving on thing a try.
The conversation was simple he told me how cute I was and we got more intimate he was like 8 years older then me but I still felt connected and he felt like my age at heart which is a weird thing to say I guess. He was a different kind of person he even had that level headed sense of humor that I like. Things were pretty standard until the next day when we got to work and started hanging out at our usual spot we kind of strayed away from the crowed and did our own thing. Trust me it was once those heated awkward situations and I knew I was gonna end up kissing him or it was gonna be the other way around.
After sitting and talking about how cute I am he worked up the nerve to grab my hand, of course that left me kind of stuck but it really threw me off when he ever so politely asked me for a kiss how could I deny! I can't say I regret it later and I am not saying that I do but what I will say he was a fantastic fucking kisser and I don't run into too many of those. According to him he hasn't kissed anyone in like two years plus but he wasn't as eager as I expected him to be. I just know after a few days and a couple of kisses that I was starting to get these weird feelings and it looked worse at work, I wasn't trying to follow him like a lost puppy with huge hearts in my eyes but it seemed like it turned out that way and the other co-workers started catching on and slowly started making fun of us.
I would like to keep in mind that this was over a course of like a week maybe more and it was probably the best thing I experienced after dealing with Jake and that whole crazy process. Things heated up especially after making naughty exchanges for each other on snap chat (I regret nothing for the most part). I was deeply in like at this point and I wasn't really worried about anything at that rate, and I felt like he was too we would save each other seats every other week in case we got on the same bus and if we did we would watch movies together. It was beautiful or so I thought.
That was until he had to make it known that he didn't want a relationship and I guess you could say that things got messed up from there. I was hoping it would affect me better but the fact that I was kinda invested was kind of screwed up to begin with. I guess I fell too hard or I was rebounding from the last situation either way thats the only thing I regret at the moment. We are still friends and I have backed off a lot and things feel a lot better then they did when I started this whole thing even though I see him at work and I still get into my feelings over him.
Moral of the story: Don't have flings with Co-workers for the simple fact that you have to see them everyday and if you exchange pictures just know they have seen you naked lol💆
Now I would like to start this off with a disclosure notice for those who are new to my blog and what not. The disclosure being that names and certain details will be changed to protect the identity of the other person and to also protect me in case this does come up later thank you!
So for the last few months I have ben working at Tesla (for those who doesn't know what that is I encourage all of you to go take a look and learn some stuff). Now Ive been with Tesla for a few months now and in that process. I happen to have met a nice guy by the name of Elias. Which was a great name by the way because I love that name. Anyway Elias was cool we didn't talk much at first but later on we kinda bonded on vibes and his love for contemporary musicians. He wasn't my best friend but he was pretty close and we always found time to talk in the parking lot next to our job.
It was pretty cool I made all these friends at work and we all talked and added each other on snapchat. There wasn't like a "I like him" thing going on at first until one day I am on the freeway driving home and like always we talk the conversation took a turn when he started constantly calling me cute. Normally I didn't think anything of it of course but after him throwing out like 8 compliments I caught on and it was like wild fire because I caught myself flirting back. Which was weird it didn't feel right talking to a new guy after Jake had made his departure but I figured why not lets give this moving on thing a try.
The conversation was simple he told me how cute I was and we got more intimate he was like 8 years older then me but I still felt connected and he felt like my age at heart which is a weird thing to say I guess. He was a different kind of person he even had that level headed sense of humor that I like. Things were pretty standard until the next day when we got to work and started hanging out at our usual spot we kind of strayed away from the crowed and did our own thing. Trust me it was once those heated awkward situations and I knew I was gonna end up kissing him or it was gonna be the other way around.
After sitting and talking about how cute I am he worked up the nerve to grab my hand, of course that left me kind of stuck but it really threw me off when he ever so politely asked me for a kiss how could I deny! I can't say I regret it later and I am not saying that I do but what I will say he was a fantastic fucking kisser and I don't run into too many of those. According to him he hasn't kissed anyone in like two years plus but he wasn't as eager as I expected him to be. I just know after a few days and a couple of kisses that I was starting to get these weird feelings and it looked worse at work, I wasn't trying to follow him like a lost puppy with huge hearts in my eyes but it seemed like it turned out that way and the other co-workers started catching on and slowly started making fun of us.
I would like to keep in mind that this was over a course of like a week maybe more and it was probably the best thing I experienced after dealing with Jake and that whole crazy process. Things heated up especially after making naughty exchanges for each other on snap chat (I regret nothing for the most part). I was deeply in like at this point and I wasn't really worried about anything at that rate, and I felt like he was too we would save each other seats every other week in case we got on the same bus and if we did we would watch movies together. It was beautiful or so I thought.
That was until he had to make it known that he didn't want a relationship and I guess you could say that things got messed up from there. I was hoping it would affect me better but the fact that I was kinda invested was kind of screwed up to begin with. I guess I fell too hard or I was rebounding from the last situation either way thats the only thing I regret at the moment. We are still friends and I have backed off a lot and things feel a lot better then they did when I started this whole thing even though I see him at work and I still get into my feelings over him.
Moral of the story: Don't have flings with Co-workers for the simple fact that you have to see them everyday and if you exchange pictures just know they have seen you naked lol💆
Tuesday, October 17, 2017
The end of an era for sure
We left off at some weird point in my life where I was mutilating myself or something along the way there was also all the emotional abuse from like Jake (because you know, my life didn't play out in order in this wild adventure of non-sense). I am here today to tell the final episode of Jake....so here goes ill do my best not to unblock him and have him end up in my life (again).
I think the worst part about the way it ended was that it didn't phase either one of us it was a constant hassle of wanting money, wanting sex, emotional detachment especially on his end but of course I found myself in the middle once again. Sitting in the car crying after overtime he touched me and did my best to block out the sick things he would whisper in my ear as he stole away my dignity in one swoop. I resented him and I resented him up until the very point where he told me that the day he punched me and gave me a black eye. Haunted him in his every dreams. That was the fire that kept me going and I constantly tortured him with it.
We argued like cats and dogs and when he put his hands around my neck for the last time and told me that he owned me. I had a change in my feeling because I wasn't scared anymore and I felt like I could have walked away and not blinked and eye. The only thing that kept me going was when he would tell me he loved me on multiple occasions and even though deep down I knew he didn't mean it I rode the wave of lies that was eventually going to drown him and me.
Deep down Jake was a great person it was just that he let all his demons consume him and it was scary. However when you go through war we went through for three years it seemed like nothing in comparison. I just know he felt like I was the problem and therefore he always blamed me for the inconsistencies that came up in his life and I guess you could say it was my fault because I wasn't trying to make him a better person. I was feeding the demons that fueled him because I WANTED TO SEE JUST HOW FAR IN THE DARK he was. I'm not going to lie and he was a dark person from all the things that he did that I cannot speak of at the moment.
You just get tired of feeling empty and alone all the time so you start to realize that there isn't anything there and thats the point we got to. He knew it when he sent me a message saying how toxic I was and that we needed to find a lot of time apart because he hated me. I remember not really feeling anything except like thank god this man is going to be out of my life. He wasn't we started talking within the next month after that. Yeah I know I make poor choices. The rape that was going on jumped of one last time before he decided that I wasn't good enough to talk to him if I didn't have money.
The best part out of the situation was that I got to have the last word and he was mad but it was after that, that I realized that I couldn't keep him around anymore because it was messing me up as a human being and it was ruining my very existence and I have worked very hard to be the person I have become the only issue now is that I have seen so many things in the last three years with him that I don't know how to undo the things he did to me. I'm doing my best to not let it carry through my relationships and social interactions but it has and now all I do is crave him and I wish I didn't because he didn't give a damn about me in the first place. Its that very feeling that is going to haunt me for the rest of my life.
Moral of the story: Like Halestorm said " I miss the misery"
I think the worst part about the way it ended was that it didn't phase either one of us it was a constant hassle of wanting money, wanting sex, emotional detachment especially on his end but of course I found myself in the middle once again. Sitting in the car crying after overtime he touched me and did my best to block out the sick things he would whisper in my ear as he stole away my dignity in one swoop. I resented him and I resented him up until the very point where he told me that the day he punched me and gave me a black eye. Haunted him in his every dreams. That was the fire that kept me going and I constantly tortured him with it.
We argued like cats and dogs and when he put his hands around my neck for the last time and told me that he owned me. I had a change in my feeling because I wasn't scared anymore and I felt like I could have walked away and not blinked and eye. The only thing that kept me going was when he would tell me he loved me on multiple occasions and even though deep down I knew he didn't mean it I rode the wave of lies that was eventually going to drown him and me.
Deep down Jake was a great person it was just that he let all his demons consume him and it was scary. However when you go through war we went through for three years it seemed like nothing in comparison. I just know he felt like I was the problem and therefore he always blamed me for the inconsistencies that came up in his life and I guess you could say it was my fault because I wasn't trying to make him a better person. I was feeding the demons that fueled him because I WANTED TO SEE JUST HOW FAR IN THE DARK he was. I'm not going to lie and he was a dark person from all the things that he did that I cannot speak of at the moment.
You just get tired of feeling empty and alone all the time so you start to realize that there isn't anything there and thats the point we got to. He knew it when he sent me a message saying how toxic I was and that we needed to find a lot of time apart because he hated me. I remember not really feeling anything except like thank god this man is going to be out of my life. He wasn't we started talking within the next month after that. Yeah I know I make poor choices. The rape that was going on jumped of one last time before he decided that I wasn't good enough to talk to him if I didn't have money.
The best part out of the situation was that I got to have the last word and he was mad but it was after that, that I realized that I couldn't keep him around anymore because it was messing me up as a human being and it was ruining my very existence and I have worked very hard to be the person I have become the only issue now is that I have seen so many things in the last three years with him that I don't know how to undo the things he did to me. I'm doing my best to not let it carry through my relationships and social interactions but it has and now all I do is crave him and I wish I didn't because he didn't give a damn about me in the first place. Its that very feeling that is going to haunt me for the rest of my life.
Moral of the story: Like Halestorm said " I miss the misery"
Sunday, August 13, 2017
My journey into body modifcation
Here is a different kind of post and its going to be something that of a chronicle I guess so it would be updated from time too time. Sounds kind of lame but I promise the end result will give you said "better outlook". I don't know where I am going with this and that's me being as honest as I can!
I decided to give body mod a try because I feel like I got hooked after I got my septum done (there's a pic below of my starter jewelry and my upgrade). There weren't that many cow jokes made as I thought there would be. Now the experience wasn't bad to be honest. For those of you looking to get one its like a big pinch and I promise you it didn't hurt that bad. All its going to do is make you tear up after that you soak it in salt water and you're good to go. You have too start off with a curved barbell and fair warning the balls are a tragedy if you aren't gifted lol. I upgraded to a clicker and now I save time when I switch it out but hey it isn't for everyone. All in all I love my septum and I plan on going up a size and I will be sure to keep you updated <3
My septum was cool but like I said I got hooked and I had to get another so I went with the second favorite piercing I had in mind while growing up! An industrial piercing (pic below)!
This one was easier then my septum I didn't tear up at all, however the cons with one was that I could only sleep on one side for the first few weeks (I toss and turn so I'm loosing my mind). I want to let you all know my piercer at Emerald Tattoo only let me get the one so I have to hang tight and wait to get the other in a short 6 months (probably the worst part in my case). The maintenance on it can be difficult, I dip Q-tips in the anti bacterial soap and in the salt spar and clean the crevices. Fair warning its going to bleed a lot from time to time and it itches but that's just me and this based solely on my experience and isn't a reflection of what may or may not happen to you. I'm going to experiment with this piercing once it heals considering it is two separate piercings to make up one. I have a tattoo in the works but I'm not quite ready to make that commitment so join me on this journey because I'm pretty excited!! For those of you who have piercings and tattoos don't hesitate to email me about your experiences!!!
I decided to give body mod a try because I feel like I got hooked after I got my septum done (there's a pic below of my starter jewelry and my upgrade). There weren't that many cow jokes made as I thought there would be. Now the experience wasn't bad to be honest. For those of you looking to get one its like a big pinch and I promise you it didn't hurt that bad. All its going to do is make you tear up after that you soak it in salt water and you're good to go. You have too start off with a curved barbell and fair warning the balls are a tragedy if you aren't gifted lol. I upgraded to a clicker and now I save time when I switch it out but hey it isn't for everyone. All in all I love my septum and I plan on going up a size and I will be sure to keep you updated <3
My septum was cool but like I said I got hooked and I had to get another so I went with the second favorite piercing I had in mind while growing up! An industrial piercing (pic below)!
Tuesday, August 1, 2017
My journey into my new job...
💗💙💗💗💗💗💧😮😮😮😙Okay yeah I'm back again and I just for one want to touch on the fact that I do have another job and it takes up a little more time then I expected it too but for the most part it feel like it compensated for the time I wasted at the two other shitty jobs. Anyways let me not ramble.
For those of you who want to know where I work as a start well here goes and I don't blame you if you haven't heard of it. I work at Tesla. If you haven't heard of them, then I will gladly describe them in brief. The make those cars that are 100% electric. They are on a mission to advance the worlds transfer too sustainable energy. I highly recommend checking them out if you are curious because I promise you will not be disappointed. I also want to add that you guys should look up Elon Musk the CEO he's a pretty cool dude as well and his vision is incredible.
Anyways I did want to add that after being there nearly two months now it has been a shining moment for me and its more so like a job whereI fit in at, especially with my odd off putting personality. Yeah its wild lol I even made a close friend who in this narrative we will call Benny. Its really wild because we talk about the craziest things on the drive too work and this is like the only person who texts me with the intent that we can talk deep nonsense. There are a few other people like Lydia who looks like a goddess when the factory lighting hits her just right. Not sure what she looks like without make up but I just know she looks amazing even though she tries to downplay it.
So far nothing really wild has happened yet as it seems one of those environments where everyone gets along to a large degree. Well sort of, there has been some drama along the lines but nothing so serious that I needed to fall into it kinda like Benny who was also very good at his job. Considering all we do is talk about the funny things and work and the occasional life story with a twist. It is definitely weird to be working in a breathable environment so I am still in an adjustment period.
Now what is it that I do? I use to say that I put cars together but I actually only put inverter drives together with isn't as hard as it sounds. In the last two months, Ive gotten really good at it not quite as good as Stephanie who could do the job with her eyes closed (witnessed it once). Now that wasn't my fascination with her, my fascination with her was her hair. She usually wears layers of clothes so I have never actually seen what her hair looks like until I seen it poking under her jacket which she quickly tucked away once she realized it was slipping out. You would be surprised me and 3 other people were barely finding that out. Ever since then I have been waiting to capture another glimpse.
At lunch I watch the cars go down the assembly line as I happily sit by myself at my table, as I force myself to eat my fifth bowl of free cereal (sometimes oatmeal). god I am such a loser out loud I swear!!!! ANYWAYS, this job is amazing and there's a million things I would like to tell you all but then this post would be too long and all that good stuff. I will catch you all later my lunch is over and im convinced im late!!!!
For those of you who want to know where I work as a start well here goes and I don't blame you if you haven't heard of it. I work at Tesla. If you haven't heard of them, then I will gladly describe them in brief. The make those cars that are 100% electric. They are on a mission to advance the worlds transfer too sustainable energy. I highly recommend checking them out if you are curious because I promise you will not be disappointed. I also want to add that you guys should look up Elon Musk the CEO he's a pretty cool dude as well and his vision is incredible.
Anyways I did want to add that after being there nearly two months now it has been a shining moment for me and its more so like a job whereI fit in at, especially with my odd off putting personality. Yeah its wild lol I even made a close friend who in this narrative we will call Benny. Its really wild because we talk about the craziest things on the drive too work and this is like the only person who texts me with the intent that we can talk deep nonsense. There are a few other people like Lydia who looks like a goddess when the factory lighting hits her just right. Not sure what she looks like without make up but I just know she looks amazing even though she tries to downplay it.
So far nothing really wild has happened yet as it seems one of those environments where everyone gets along to a large degree. Well sort of, there has been some drama along the lines but nothing so serious that I needed to fall into it kinda like Benny who was also very good at his job. Considering all we do is talk about the funny things and work and the occasional life story with a twist. It is definitely weird to be working in a breathable environment so I am still in an adjustment period.
Now what is it that I do? I use to say that I put cars together but I actually only put inverter drives together with isn't as hard as it sounds. In the last two months, Ive gotten really good at it not quite as good as Stephanie who could do the job with her eyes closed (witnessed it once). Now that wasn't my fascination with her, my fascination with her was her hair. She usually wears layers of clothes so I have never actually seen what her hair looks like until I seen it poking under her jacket which she quickly tucked away once she realized it was slipping out. You would be surprised me and 3 other people were barely finding that out. Ever since then I have been waiting to capture another glimpse.
At lunch I watch the cars go down the assembly line as I happily sit by myself at my table, as I force myself to eat my fifth bowl of free cereal (sometimes oatmeal). god I am such a loser out loud I swear!!!! ANYWAYS, this job is amazing and there's a million things I would like to tell you all but then this post would be too long and all that good stuff. I will catch you all later my lunch is over and im convinced im late!!!!
Sunday, July 30, 2017
Just another identity crisis.
Hey all! I just want to start off that this is going to be one of my more serious posts because for the last few months I have been struggling as well as a lot of other people in my life. So I figured the best way for my readers to get more comfortable with me on a human level is too really dish out the problems that I have as a human as well. So here goes.
These last few weeks have been especially rough for me. The reason being is from time to time I suffer from dysphoria. Now for those of you who don't know what that is let me break it down, its not quite like depression in a sense where I am extremely sad, but more so extremely dissatisfied with life. Weather it be with my living situation, job, family friends. I can have dysphoria about all of these things. My dysphoria doesn't leave me in my room crying though. It just leaves me uncomfortable and not fully able to engage in all of these things. Its like I am on autopilot and I'm going through the motions.
It is hard for most people to understand because they confuse it with depression. They don't understand the out of body feeling that I get when it comes time to do these things. I always feel like I am on the outside of myself looking in. It's terrible and not too mention I'm having a crisi with my sexuality. That's a whole different spectrum to be discussed. I mostly want to touch on Dysphoria.
Some days are harder then others but I know I can make it for the simple fact that's I have gone through these stages before. The bout lasted for 2 years. I'm still in recovery but no counseling. So I'm really thankful for everyone out there who supported and is supporting me through this intense time.
Be sweet to everyone you never know who's carrying a dark cloud.
肇👯
These last few weeks have been especially rough for me. The reason being is from time to time I suffer from dysphoria. Now for those of you who don't know what that is let me break it down, its not quite like depression in a sense where I am extremely sad, but more so extremely dissatisfied with life. Weather it be with my living situation, job, family friends. I can have dysphoria about all of these things. My dysphoria doesn't leave me in my room crying though. It just leaves me uncomfortable and not fully able to engage in all of these things. Its like I am on autopilot and I'm going through the motions.
It is hard for most people to understand because they confuse it with depression. They don't understand the out of body feeling that I get when it comes time to do these things. I always feel like I am on the outside of myself looking in. It's terrible and not too mention I'm having a crisi with my sexuality. That's a whole different spectrum to be discussed. I mostly want to touch on Dysphoria.
Some days are harder then others but I know I can make it for the simple fact that's I have gone through these stages before. The bout lasted for 2 years. I'm still in recovery but no counseling. So I'm really thankful for everyone out there who supported and is supporting me through this intense time.
Be sweet to everyone you never know who's carrying a dark cloud.
肇👯
Friday, July 28, 2017
What do you mean I can't trade my car????
Here I go being stupid again. Thats just because no one told me when I got a car loan that I was practically selling my soul away to car I wasn't going to want in the future. Had I known this I would've picked a car I wanted in the future or something like that.
Let me take you all up to speed because I left of with my car looking great body work wise. You know that whole month in the shop did the car wonders. Now keep in mind lack of communication will mess you up no matter where you are and what you're doing. For example no one told me that some auto body shops carry mechanics and others don't. Do we see where I am going with yet I hope so because thats exactly where I landed myself with 5500 worth of body work Ann a shit ton of mechanical errors. See I didn't know that until like a few weeks after I had my car back and it drove like the back end of a fish.
So I figured I just needed to align it like last time (keep in mind that's what the mechanic also said), so here I go all Willy bully to go get it aligned one day. The worst part is I was feeling really good about myself I even got the shitty back tires that were showing wires changed. So I real life thought I was extra smart. Now that was until he lifted the car up in the air, just to bring it right back down in 2min. Next thing you know he's motioning me back to the car, sigh this is usually where my life gets into major bullshit. Therefore it didn't help when he was trying to explain to me what on earth and axel beam was. It did get to a point where he had to show me a picture.
Naturally I fixed it because like. I want to add that it wasn't easy and I awkwardly had to drop a ton of money that had a slight dent in it, you know because my life always seems to work out like this. However I was confident that, that had to be the only fix right? Not according to my steering wheel that was so tight I inadvertently gave myself tendonitis, as a disclosure it healed on its own with major levels of ibuprofen (sorry liver!). Remember the first accident where I ended up hitting a divider? Well the same impact on the opppsite side so that called for a new rack and pinion that I had to venture out to Sacramento for!!!
The problem was before we got to this step my steering gave out in the middle of a drive one day. Well a middle of an intersection to be exact. I was almost sure another accident was going to come my way but I got lucky. That's what motivated me to get the rack mostly. The annoying thing was it open the door too 6 other expensive problems that I wasn't about to deal with. So I parked my car and dawned on my options, which were pretty close to none of you ask me. So I figured fuck it I'll trade it in, online made it sound so easy so I figured why not. Now here I go being an idiot again and it was awful considering that after paying 5,500 worth of body work my car was only worth 4,000. Feel free to check the numbers again because yes you did read that right.
I rose hell at the dealership. I loved my car but it was black hole in my pockets and I wanted something different with speakers. Even if it was a weird looking Yaris that didn't have half of the features that my Prius did. I figured it would be worth it at the time. Again here I go being stupid again and not knowing how car stuff works. All this stems from me not being able to get a Tesla but that's another story. What I will say is learn about things like equity, and being upside down because I didn't do my research right and trading in your car is very difficult if you fall under one or two of those categories. Also do your best not to act like a spoiled teenager because people trade in their cars all the time and that they won't let you do it. Take a breather.
It's been a few weeks but I can't tell if it was because of my attitude or just the fact that they couldn't actually do it is the reason I didn't walk out of there with the car they tried to get me into. So I guess now it's up to me to make the best out of a bad situation as in let this car eat out of my pockets until it's satisfactory or just just put money aside for a regular car it's hard to say. However I'm doing my best in this life and I need the world to bear with me. While I cry my heart out over this. (I'm absolutely not kidding) hey a wise man once said honesty is the best policy right? So here to it.
If you are going to get trapped in a car loan do your research or better yet save your soul and DONT. IM STUCK WITH THIS CAR FOR 5 years so just keep my experience in mind :)
Let me take you all up to speed because I left of with my car looking great body work wise. You know that whole month in the shop did the car wonders. Now keep in mind lack of communication will mess you up no matter where you are and what you're doing. For example no one told me that some auto body shops carry mechanics and others don't. Do we see where I am going with yet I hope so because thats exactly where I landed myself with 5500 worth of body work Ann a shit ton of mechanical errors. See I didn't know that until like a few weeks after I had my car back and it drove like the back end of a fish.
So I figured I just needed to align it like last time (keep in mind that's what the mechanic also said), so here I go all Willy bully to go get it aligned one day. The worst part is I was feeling really good about myself I even got the shitty back tires that were showing wires changed. So I real life thought I was extra smart. Now that was until he lifted the car up in the air, just to bring it right back down in 2min. Next thing you know he's motioning me back to the car, sigh this is usually where my life gets into major bullshit. Therefore it didn't help when he was trying to explain to me what on earth and axel beam was. It did get to a point where he had to show me a picture.
Naturally I fixed it because like. I want to add that it wasn't easy and I awkwardly had to drop a ton of money that had a slight dent in it, you know because my life always seems to work out like this. However I was confident that, that had to be the only fix right? Not according to my steering wheel that was so tight I inadvertently gave myself tendonitis, as a disclosure it healed on its own with major levels of ibuprofen (sorry liver!). Remember the first accident where I ended up hitting a divider? Well the same impact on the opppsite side so that called for a new rack and pinion that I had to venture out to Sacramento for!!!
The problem was before we got to this step my steering gave out in the middle of a drive one day. Well a middle of an intersection to be exact. I was almost sure another accident was going to come my way but I got lucky. That's what motivated me to get the rack mostly. The annoying thing was it open the door too 6 other expensive problems that I wasn't about to deal with. So I parked my car and dawned on my options, which were pretty close to none of you ask me. So I figured fuck it I'll trade it in, online made it sound so easy so I figured why not. Now here I go being an idiot again and it was awful considering that after paying 5,500 worth of body work my car was only worth 4,000. Feel free to check the numbers again because yes you did read that right.
I rose hell at the dealership. I loved my car but it was black hole in my pockets and I wanted something different with speakers. Even if it was a weird looking Yaris that didn't have half of the features that my Prius did. I figured it would be worth it at the time. Again here I go being stupid again and not knowing how car stuff works. All this stems from me not being able to get a Tesla but that's another story. What I will say is learn about things like equity, and being upside down because I didn't do my research right and trading in your car is very difficult if you fall under one or two of those categories. Also do your best not to act like a spoiled teenager because people trade in their cars all the time and that they won't let you do it. Take a breather.
It's been a few weeks but I can't tell if it was because of my attitude or just the fact that they couldn't actually do it is the reason I didn't walk out of there with the car they tried to get me into. So I guess now it's up to me to make the best out of a bad situation as in let this car eat out of my pockets until it's satisfactory or just just put money aside for a regular car it's hard to say. However I'm doing my best in this life and I need the world to bear with me. While I cry my heart out over this. (I'm absolutely not kidding) hey a wise man once said honesty is the best policy right? So here to it.
If you are going to get trapped in a car loan do your research or better yet save your soul and DONT. IM STUCK WITH THIS CAR FOR 5 years so just keep my experience in mind :)
Wednesday, July 26, 2017
The dogs days are finally OVER!!!!
This is it everyone the final chapter to my last days at Amazon. Now in this I am also going to introduce my new job in very vague details because that deserves a post all of its own. So here we go.
I am going to place my self in the shipping dock where we last left off. After Eduardo happened to ruin my transfer and what not. I was pretty pissed to be honest with you. So I decided to take all that hate and rn it off as I unloaded trucks tirelessly for the next nine hours. Can I mention that he grouped me with the worst people ever none of them could lift. Like Zero. Nada. Zip. Goose eggs. The box had to be empty for them to pull down from the top of the truck.
Even palletizing became a headache because while I was in the truck busting my mediocre ass. They all stood around and talked about their husbands or possible sex interests. I didn't fall into that category nor did I have any relatable content aside from Jake. I wasn't spilling that because he was my own personal story. Like a dirty secret if you will. Things with Jake were wild on the side but unfortunately that content is for a post in the future.
ANNNNNNYYYYWAAAYYYSSS, I am in the truck throwing boxes feeling like a mad woman. So I mad I didn't notice this box I had my hands on read "Two person lift" in a big red sticker on the side, so what did I do. I used all what little strength I had to pull the box down and whoops it was too late when I noticed the sticker. I twisted my knee in the worst way possible and felt things no decent human being who barely works out should feel. The people outside were too busy talking to notice, so I shook it off with tears flooding my eyes. Until about two hours later when the pain had gotten so bad I had to go suck up my pride and go limp over to Eduardo who awkwardly was the only one at the desk.
Trust me I waited around the corner for like 20min but no one came. Not much came out of it except a "go home see a doctor and come back". Considering he was a manager I took what he said and his 3yrs experience as a manager and I went home. To find myself waiting tirelessly at an Urgent care because I dint think it was serious enough for me to waste my life in the E.R. Plus they have free candy can you blame me? The diagnosis after failing some weird knee test was that I had two torn ligaments and that I needed and MRI and only real hospitals give those. So what did I do?
I took my doctors note and limped out of there and went on a medical leave just because I talked the doctor into giving me three weeks off. It was weird being back in my bed after already having time off but I enjoyed it as I sulked in my misery. It wasn't really fun considering I couldn't walk so that was a damper in my plans. Things seemed to go fine until I went to check my schedule to see if it was still blacked out for my time off considering at this point in time it was time for me to go back in less then 4 days.
I never got and MRI so I gave myself 3 extra weeks which the leave team approved but it turns out my schedule told me I was in the negative of 150 hours because my 3 extra weeks weren't approved. When I called the leave team they weren't much help except that they went from a medical leave to a personal one to back cover my hours which didn't work because HR denied it thanks too me signing my soul away to all those write ups.
Did I mention this went on with me in the negative and with HR leading me on for like a month? No? Or how about the part where Edward actually quit in the time I was under my blanket and couldn't walk? Chaos had ensued at this point because HR day and Night didn't know what to do except reassure me that I wasn't getting fired just yet. Key words peeps, key words. At that point I could walk and I felt invincible. AZ was gone at this point so I had too hold my own at this point boy was it tough with all the speculation, and gossip. People would make fun of me and tell me that I was getting fired at that point.
Plus Jason had permanently moved to day shift but his ceremony was a flop. Nobody cried and wrote his name all over the brag board like they did AZ. So I guess you could say that was my own personal revenge. I finally felt free and also really scared of my new manager Clarabelle. I ducked her for like two weeks and it turns out she was really cool the first go around until she started getting on me about my hours. It didn't help to hear stories about her turning on other people. She was with me when I made my final trip to the HR office. That visit was intense due to the fact that I found out that nobody even knew I had gotten hurt because Edward never submitted any workers comp claims.
There I was screwed all over again even after he had departed. At that point HR kind of hinted at me that, that might have been the end of the road. However good thing I was starting up the process to get my new job. So this time around I wasn't really scared of anything and I took my last few days like a champ and awkwardly stopped coming to work every time I lost my badge. I was negative hours anyways so who cared if I went too work. I used the last of my personal time to leave early and one day to go in and put in yet another personal leave.
Now as I am in Starbucks writing a post and drinking a very tasty frappe I receive a phone call from HR. She gave me the spiel about how I was out of options and there was nothing they could do blah blah blah. I was left with two options: "resign or termination". Lucky for me an e-mail from my new job popped up with my start date so with that being said...I quit and I am never looking back. I slept better that night and with my new job on the way life was still pretty shitty but hey I am working my up to a better ending.
I just wanted too add that two days before I ran into Casey..............and my ex crush. What a perfect time to get out of that place.
I am going to place my self in the shipping dock where we last left off. After Eduardo happened to ruin my transfer and what not. I was pretty pissed to be honest with you. So I decided to take all that hate and rn it off as I unloaded trucks tirelessly for the next nine hours. Can I mention that he grouped me with the worst people ever none of them could lift. Like Zero. Nada. Zip. Goose eggs. The box had to be empty for them to pull down from the top of the truck.
Even palletizing became a headache because while I was in the truck busting my mediocre ass. They all stood around and talked about their husbands or possible sex interests. I didn't fall into that category nor did I have any relatable content aside from Jake. I wasn't spilling that because he was my own personal story. Like a dirty secret if you will. Things with Jake were wild on the side but unfortunately that content is for a post in the future.
ANNNNNNYYYYWAAAYYYSSS, I am in the truck throwing boxes feeling like a mad woman. So I mad I didn't notice this box I had my hands on read "Two person lift" in a big red sticker on the side, so what did I do. I used all what little strength I had to pull the box down and whoops it was too late when I noticed the sticker. I twisted my knee in the worst way possible and felt things no decent human being who barely works out should feel. The people outside were too busy talking to notice, so I shook it off with tears flooding my eyes. Until about two hours later when the pain had gotten so bad I had to go suck up my pride and go limp over to Eduardo who awkwardly was the only one at the desk.
Trust me I waited around the corner for like 20min but no one came. Not much came out of it except a "go home see a doctor and come back". Considering he was a manager I took what he said and his 3yrs experience as a manager and I went home. To find myself waiting tirelessly at an Urgent care because I dint think it was serious enough for me to waste my life in the E.R. Plus they have free candy can you blame me? The diagnosis after failing some weird knee test was that I had two torn ligaments and that I needed and MRI and only real hospitals give those. So what did I do?
I took my doctors note and limped out of there and went on a medical leave just because I talked the doctor into giving me three weeks off. It was weird being back in my bed after already having time off but I enjoyed it as I sulked in my misery. It wasn't really fun considering I couldn't walk so that was a damper in my plans. Things seemed to go fine until I went to check my schedule to see if it was still blacked out for my time off considering at this point in time it was time for me to go back in less then 4 days.
I never got and MRI so I gave myself 3 extra weeks which the leave team approved but it turns out my schedule told me I was in the negative of 150 hours because my 3 extra weeks weren't approved. When I called the leave team they weren't much help except that they went from a medical leave to a personal one to back cover my hours which didn't work because HR denied it thanks too me signing my soul away to all those write ups.
Did I mention this went on with me in the negative and with HR leading me on for like a month? No? Or how about the part where Edward actually quit in the time I was under my blanket and couldn't walk? Chaos had ensued at this point because HR day and Night didn't know what to do except reassure me that I wasn't getting fired just yet. Key words peeps, key words. At that point I could walk and I felt invincible. AZ was gone at this point so I had too hold my own at this point boy was it tough with all the speculation, and gossip. People would make fun of me and tell me that I was getting fired at that point.
Plus Jason had permanently moved to day shift but his ceremony was a flop. Nobody cried and wrote his name all over the brag board like they did AZ. So I guess you could say that was my own personal revenge. I finally felt free and also really scared of my new manager Clarabelle. I ducked her for like two weeks and it turns out she was really cool the first go around until she started getting on me about my hours. It didn't help to hear stories about her turning on other people. She was with me when I made my final trip to the HR office. That visit was intense due to the fact that I found out that nobody even knew I had gotten hurt because Edward never submitted any workers comp claims.
There I was screwed all over again even after he had departed. At that point HR kind of hinted at me that, that might have been the end of the road. However good thing I was starting up the process to get my new job. So this time around I wasn't really scared of anything and I took my last few days like a champ and awkwardly stopped coming to work every time I lost my badge. I was negative hours anyways so who cared if I went too work. I used the last of my personal time to leave early and one day to go in and put in yet another personal leave.
Now as I am in Starbucks writing a post and drinking a very tasty frappe I receive a phone call from HR. She gave me the spiel about how I was out of options and there was nothing they could do blah blah blah. I was left with two options: "resign or termination". Lucky for me an e-mail from my new job popped up with my start date so with that being said...I quit and I am never looking back. I slept better that night and with my new job on the way life was still pretty shitty but hey I am working my up to a better ending.
I just wanted too add that two days before I ran into Casey..............and my ex crush. What a perfect time to get out of that place.
Monday, July 24, 2017
The dog days arent over part 2: Is it over yet?
Alright you guys here is the next part of the tale when it comes to my final days enduring the misery of Amazon. I know I chickened out at the end of that last post but I feel like I redeemed myself a little bit.
Alright so there I was on a leave of absence like a huge loser but hey I didn't have another job so getting fired wasn't in my best interest at the time. Besides going on leave was the worst idea I ever had because I fell behind money wise and I spent a lot of my days ridden with anxiety if I was going to get fired and have to forfeit my car. It was pretty cool though I got to collect myself and be a human again and not some robot crunching the numbers for some mega corporation.
The best part of the job was the people there, they always kept me updated on what was going on too some degree and if I should walk back into the fire or stay under my blanket and cry. Well I held my head high and cried the whole car ride back to that place. Now I want all of you to keep in mind that my car was still in the shop at the time so I had to hitch a ride with my ex's little brother. (AWKWARD MUCH), the whole car ride was me blasting my awful music and crying. This went on for like two weeks need I remind you.
I remember walking into the place with such a panic. In fact when I swiped my badge to get in I got denied and slowly turned around and tried to inch my way back to the car until the security had swiped his badge to let me in so he could fix it. I hated myself and all I wanted to do was run and hop on the train next door and get off in the next state and build a new life from there. At least...that's what I was thinking the whole time the security guard had me waiting. The worst part was I was late because of it so instead of following the huge crowd of people coming in I had to take the walk of shame and sneak up in the back of the group.
Just to be caught in the middle of an announcement that AZ the greatest manager on the face of the earth was leaving. My heart dropped but I hung in there as they explained the new manager who was going to be taking over his shift. Keep in mind I am in the back with people whispering and ogling me from afar. However it was those same people who gathered around me to tell me that they thought "I got fired" because of what had happened with Travis. I think that was the first time I actually felt cool. It took me back to the days when I use to hang with Casey. Although all the speculation was making me too neevous for my own good. I told them everything humanly possible about the entire situation but of course everyone backed Jason in telling me that I'm always getting in trouble and that it finally caught up to me. Good thing I didn't sit and eat lunch with these people if you ask me.
I did have that one good co-worker friend Elsa who understood and she always came timely with the advice so that was always a plus. The only thing was I would have to go without her when it comes time to Face Jason on Thursday. It wasn't that bad I casually hid in the back and asked someone to check the board and let me know my coordinates in the factory. Like any average employee the best part was we avoided eachother like the plague especially when it came time to get my feed back for the week. AZ stood for the workers who were mistreated under management so losing him felt like the las nail in my coffin at the time. Things got better by the end of those two weeks. It was AZs last day and I finally felt regular at work. Until that Friday when I turn the corner and I see Eduardo sitting at the desk, I was walking back drom the other side of the warehouse hoping to get placed in the docks that day.
Do I even have to add the fact that transfers closed in two days. Now Eduardo knew that and he know it so well he decided to hit me with 3 weeks worth of write ups that his buddy Jason convieniently didn't issue. Ironically the one about time off task was atop of the list and it took everything in me not to spill the fact that I had a miscarriage the same day I was going through all that nonsense (thanks Jake it was your baby btw). I didn't say anything because that ended up being a display in the HR office in what we call a seek too understand so you know no need to open another can of worms. I swallowed my pride and I signed my soul (and my transfer) to the other write ups because I was held accountable for quality. It was a dark day. Eduardo smiled his smile and shipped me off too the docks as if he just saved the world. Ironically there was talk of him leaving but I ignored it why would that asshole want to leave when he's so good at ruining things and upsetting the balance. Now the crazy part of this story is what happened that day in the docks but that will have to wait :) till the next post lol sorry guys I have to spread out the good stuff.
Alright so there I was on a leave of absence like a huge loser but hey I didn't have another job so getting fired wasn't in my best interest at the time. Besides going on leave was the worst idea I ever had because I fell behind money wise and I spent a lot of my days ridden with anxiety if I was going to get fired and have to forfeit my car. It was pretty cool though I got to collect myself and be a human again and not some robot crunching the numbers for some mega corporation.
The best part of the job was the people there, they always kept me updated on what was going on too some degree and if I should walk back into the fire or stay under my blanket and cry. Well I held my head high and cried the whole car ride back to that place. Now I want all of you to keep in mind that my car was still in the shop at the time so I had to hitch a ride with my ex's little brother. (AWKWARD MUCH), the whole car ride was me blasting my awful music and crying. This went on for like two weeks need I remind you.
I remember walking into the place with such a panic. In fact when I swiped my badge to get in I got denied and slowly turned around and tried to inch my way back to the car until the security had swiped his badge to let me in so he could fix it. I hated myself and all I wanted to do was run and hop on the train next door and get off in the next state and build a new life from there. At least...that's what I was thinking the whole time the security guard had me waiting. The worst part was I was late because of it so instead of following the huge crowd of people coming in I had to take the walk of shame and sneak up in the back of the group.
Just to be caught in the middle of an announcement that AZ the greatest manager on the face of the earth was leaving. My heart dropped but I hung in there as they explained the new manager who was going to be taking over his shift. Keep in mind I am in the back with people whispering and ogling me from afar. However it was those same people who gathered around me to tell me that they thought "I got fired" because of what had happened with Travis. I think that was the first time I actually felt cool. It took me back to the days when I use to hang with Casey. Although all the speculation was making me too neevous for my own good. I told them everything humanly possible about the entire situation but of course everyone backed Jason in telling me that I'm always getting in trouble and that it finally caught up to me. Good thing I didn't sit and eat lunch with these people if you ask me.
I did have that one good co-worker friend Elsa who understood and she always came timely with the advice so that was always a plus. The only thing was I would have to go without her when it comes time to Face Jason on Thursday. It wasn't that bad I casually hid in the back and asked someone to check the board and let me know my coordinates in the factory. Like any average employee the best part was we avoided eachother like the plague especially when it came time to get my feed back for the week. AZ stood for the workers who were mistreated under management so losing him felt like the las nail in my coffin at the time. Things got better by the end of those two weeks. It was AZs last day and I finally felt regular at work. Until that Friday when I turn the corner and I see Eduardo sitting at the desk, I was walking back drom the other side of the warehouse hoping to get placed in the docks that day.
Do I even have to add the fact that transfers closed in two days. Now Eduardo knew that and he know it so well he decided to hit me with 3 weeks worth of write ups that his buddy Jason convieniently didn't issue. Ironically the one about time off task was atop of the list and it took everything in me not to spill the fact that I had a miscarriage the same day I was going through all that nonsense (thanks Jake it was your baby btw). I didn't say anything because that ended up being a display in the HR office in what we call a seek too understand so you know no need to open another can of worms. I swallowed my pride and I signed my soul (and my transfer) to the other write ups because I was held accountable for quality. It was a dark day. Eduardo smiled his smile and shipped me off too the docks as if he just saved the world. Ironically there was talk of him leaving but I ignored it why would that asshole want to leave when he's so good at ruining things and upsetting the balance. Now the crazy part of this story is what happened that day in the docks but that will have to wait :) till the next post lol sorry guys I have to spread out the good stuff.
Saturday, July 22, 2017
Alcohol and poor choices
Remember that one time you got so drunk you fucked your exs' best friend or so thats what everyone is telling you. No? Or do these things only happen to me? Yeah thats exactly what I thought.
Where do I begin? Lets start at the fact one night I went to the bar with my ex his best friend Earl and Earls crush Daisy (who for the record states I really didn't like but thats gonna be in the later paragraphs. So where was I? Oh yeah the bar, now we get there and everything was cool. We hung out like this every weekend because of Karaoke night but on this particular night a birthday party was going on se we figured why not join in what could go wrong? I need you guys to keep in mind I wasn't a drinker but Daisy was and she felt the need to egg it on as did the guys when they caught on.
Now Daisy throws her money on the bar and stands on the stool and screams "SHOTS ALL AROUND" of course the whole room cheers wildly, at this point I was nervous but hey I can hang with he best. So Daisy pulls me to the side and hands me two shots of Vodka and tells me to take her on one by one. She kinda got on my nerves so I figured maybe if I play along she will go away. She downs the two shots like its nothing while I sit there sipping the first one. I was feeling pretty intimidated but everyone was singing loud and dancing so I didn't want to ruin it. I held my breath and downed the shots. Everything sucked in its entirety but she wanted to keep going. Next thing you know she's got 16 shots lined up, all I could think was "this girl is gonna give me alcohol poisoning" I played along though.
She finished her line and cheered me on for mine, I was buzzing pretty bad at this point so I dint really notice the taste. However I do remember her asking me if I was drunk yet every five minuets but I did my best not to jump to conclusions. I was totally out there, to a point they had to pick me up and carry me to the car because I couldn't hold my liquor. I remember us coming home and for some reason dicing to make enchiladas, that seemed to be Daisys idea and she insister her and my ex go together to get the supplies. I was still pretty out there so I continued to lay there on the couch until Earl decided to haul me up the stairs into my room. I remember my stomach being sick and the room spinning. It was a moment like that, that made me never want to drink again in my entire life.
I was pretty close to sleeping when daisy barged into my room, super irritating I was just like what on earth could this moron want now. For some reason she calls herself undressing me and asking me why I didn't get comfortable yet. I was dozing in and out and I really didn't pay her any mind as long as I didn't have to move everything was great.I remember everything after that going blank as I slept happily on my bed now I comes at 2 am I hear Earl banging Daisy in the shower I guess he had one too many as well.
Now I wake up the next morning with a hangover from hell and I find Earl snoring right next to me. I fall out of bed in a panic as I jumped to wake him up. Oddly enough he was telling me to breathe something I couldn't do because neither of us could remember if we did anything or not, he gets up and makes his way to the door and who conveniently is standing outside of it?!?! You guessed it Daisy.
Well guess who's life got even more stupid after that. Yup you guessed it. Now I was a homie hopping drunk who likes to cry about their life in the middle of the street. At least according to Daisy who bitched me out about sleeping with her crush, and my ex who ironically had no reason to be mad considering me and him slept with his ex but you know all is fair in alcohol, crushes, and war.
Moral of the story be careful who you drink with some of them might intentionally set you up with their crush just to make you look bad.
Where do I begin? Lets start at the fact one night I went to the bar with my ex his best friend Earl and Earls crush Daisy (who for the record states I really didn't like but thats gonna be in the later paragraphs. So where was I? Oh yeah the bar, now we get there and everything was cool. We hung out like this every weekend because of Karaoke night but on this particular night a birthday party was going on se we figured why not join in what could go wrong? I need you guys to keep in mind I wasn't a drinker but Daisy was and she felt the need to egg it on as did the guys when they caught on.
Now Daisy throws her money on the bar and stands on the stool and screams "SHOTS ALL AROUND" of course the whole room cheers wildly, at this point I was nervous but hey I can hang with he best. So Daisy pulls me to the side and hands me two shots of Vodka and tells me to take her on one by one. She kinda got on my nerves so I figured maybe if I play along she will go away. She downs the two shots like its nothing while I sit there sipping the first one. I was feeling pretty intimidated but everyone was singing loud and dancing so I didn't want to ruin it. I held my breath and downed the shots. Everything sucked in its entirety but she wanted to keep going. Next thing you know she's got 16 shots lined up, all I could think was "this girl is gonna give me alcohol poisoning" I played along though.
She finished her line and cheered me on for mine, I was buzzing pretty bad at this point so I dint really notice the taste. However I do remember her asking me if I was drunk yet every five minuets but I did my best not to jump to conclusions. I was totally out there, to a point they had to pick me up and carry me to the car because I couldn't hold my liquor. I remember us coming home and for some reason dicing to make enchiladas, that seemed to be Daisys idea and she insister her and my ex go together to get the supplies. I was still pretty out there so I continued to lay there on the couch until Earl decided to haul me up the stairs into my room. I remember my stomach being sick and the room spinning. It was a moment like that, that made me never want to drink again in my entire life.
I was pretty close to sleeping when daisy barged into my room, super irritating I was just like what on earth could this moron want now. For some reason she calls herself undressing me and asking me why I didn't get comfortable yet. I was dozing in and out and I really didn't pay her any mind as long as I didn't have to move everything was great.I remember everything after that going blank as I slept happily on my bed now I comes at 2 am I hear Earl banging Daisy in the shower I guess he had one too many as well.
Now I wake up the next morning with a hangover from hell and I find Earl snoring right next to me. I fall out of bed in a panic as I jumped to wake him up. Oddly enough he was telling me to breathe something I couldn't do because neither of us could remember if we did anything or not, he gets up and makes his way to the door and who conveniently is standing outside of it?!?! You guessed it Daisy.
Well guess who's life got even more stupid after that. Yup you guessed it. Now I was a homie hopping drunk who likes to cry about their life in the middle of the street. At least according to Daisy who bitched me out about sleeping with her crush, and my ex who ironically had no reason to be mad considering me and him slept with his ex but you know all is fair in alcohol, crushes, and war.
Moral of the story be careful who you drink with some of them might intentionally set you up with their crush just to make you look bad.
Thursday, July 20, 2017
The dog days arent over just yet
We seen me last struggling at Amazon under poor management, high school cliques and under appreciation. It was tough but I all fairness I was more then prepared to be screwed over one more time. In my hopes that it would be the last time.
Did I mention that my previous manager Eduardo was out to get me in his final days? Now the beef with him was that he only catered to girls who bat their pretty eyelashes and make suggestive comments. Casey (was that a given). I went through so many write ups and so many HR visits with me having to explain that walking 20min to the bathroom wasn't good for my time off task. However because HR and managers always seemed to be in on it with each other I was always at a loss. I fought long and hard though I fought dirty (not really).
The big thing with Eduardo was that he liked to screw up my transfers I guess that's what I can be thankful for in my opinion he wasn't really shit otherwise. Now let's fast forward to the point where Eduardo goes to help out on Day shift. Something which I was really excited about. Especially since his really cute gullible best friend who everybody loves takes over. Jason is what we are calling him for this narrative, well let me tell you that Jason turned out to be a Joe at first and then somehow turned into a fucking nightmare. It was like day after day people were getting away with things I never thought possible. Hours of time off task, socializing through the entire night, going to the break room and hanging out, not making quota. Hell he wasn't even giving feedback most of the time. It was fucking wild.
In the midst of it all the greatest manager alive to ever walk this earth was planning on leaving and that put my job in danger but before I have to tell that unfortunate story lets talk about Jason and his transition too cool beer hat guy to a fed up underdog. After weeks of not getting feedback and me following the crowd and taking my time with my job it turns out Jason had it out for me and only me. The worst conversation we had about time off task landed me and him in a debate especially since other people weren't getting in trouble due to the fact that they were catering to the fact that he was misunderstood. Something I didn't really sympathize with considering he was Eduardo right hand and Eduardo was really popular among the peers.
Everyday he would pull up to my station with his beady little eyes and pull up the big ugly chart on his computer. The worst part was he wouldn't even start with my feedback for the week. He would only start with my unproductive fuck ups and it was the worst feeling in the world because I liked Jason and I thought I would never have to see the day where he would end up turning on me. At the worst time too. I remember getting sick at work one night something like a period from hell which was odd because I hadn't had a period that bad in almost two years thanks to my IUD. I was bleeding so profusely that I spent a good portion of the night hiding away in the bathroom in pain.
I literally felt like I was dying but the problem was that I dint exactly have the hours to go home. Yeah thanks a lot Amazon. I thought the night was going figure itself out and that maybe I wouldn't have to answer to Jason anymore at least for this one night where I'm having a really bad night at least. I did the best I could to shave down my time and try to keep as focused as I could but a 10hr shift while you're hemorrhaging of course your main focus is going to be NOT DYING. I did make it though unfortunately my time did night as I tried to sneak out too my car Jason made sure at that moment he would be posted by the exit. He waited there tapping the table just waiting too pull me aside so he can show me the chart.
"We need to talk about your time" after that I sort of zoned out because all I could hear was my heart beating in my ears. I couldn't get fired not just yet at least. However the time told on me, 141 minuets. The worst part of it was I went from intimidated to throwing all my cards in. I was tired of getting bullied So I told him what had been going on the whole night and why my time was so high. It wasn't good enough for him as he was going to submit a review for termination no matter what happened that night. We had stayed an extra 30 min arguing he even decided to call in some of his minions to back him up for terminating me.
I however was all alone, so I told him do whatever he wants but I'm leaving. I stormed off through the metal detectors and all that coward had to say to me way "you can't run from this you know". It still rings in my ears to this day. What did I do then? I did what anybody would do. I took a leave of absence for a month and avoided the whole thing like a loser. Yeah sounds like a bitch move I know but hey I was buying myself time until I could get out of that hell hole.
When I come back is when things get really crazy. So consider this a cliche "To be continued type of things"
Did I mention that my previous manager Eduardo was out to get me in his final days? Now the beef with him was that he only catered to girls who bat their pretty eyelashes and make suggestive comments. Casey (was that a given). I went through so many write ups and so many HR visits with me having to explain that walking 20min to the bathroom wasn't good for my time off task. However because HR and managers always seemed to be in on it with each other I was always at a loss. I fought long and hard though I fought dirty (not really).
The big thing with Eduardo was that he liked to screw up my transfers I guess that's what I can be thankful for in my opinion he wasn't really shit otherwise. Now let's fast forward to the point where Eduardo goes to help out on Day shift. Something which I was really excited about. Especially since his really cute gullible best friend who everybody loves takes over. Jason is what we are calling him for this narrative, well let me tell you that Jason turned out to be a Joe at first and then somehow turned into a fucking nightmare. It was like day after day people were getting away with things I never thought possible. Hours of time off task, socializing through the entire night, going to the break room and hanging out, not making quota. Hell he wasn't even giving feedback most of the time. It was fucking wild.
In the midst of it all the greatest manager alive to ever walk this earth was planning on leaving and that put my job in danger but before I have to tell that unfortunate story lets talk about Jason and his transition too cool beer hat guy to a fed up underdog. After weeks of not getting feedback and me following the crowd and taking my time with my job it turns out Jason had it out for me and only me. The worst conversation we had about time off task landed me and him in a debate especially since other people weren't getting in trouble due to the fact that they were catering to the fact that he was misunderstood. Something I didn't really sympathize with considering he was Eduardo right hand and Eduardo was really popular among the peers.
Everyday he would pull up to my station with his beady little eyes and pull up the big ugly chart on his computer. The worst part was he wouldn't even start with my feedback for the week. He would only start with my unproductive fuck ups and it was the worst feeling in the world because I liked Jason and I thought I would never have to see the day where he would end up turning on me. At the worst time too. I remember getting sick at work one night something like a period from hell which was odd because I hadn't had a period that bad in almost two years thanks to my IUD. I was bleeding so profusely that I spent a good portion of the night hiding away in the bathroom in pain.
I literally felt like I was dying but the problem was that I dint exactly have the hours to go home. Yeah thanks a lot Amazon. I thought the night was going figure itself out and that maybe I wouldn't have to answer to Jason anymore at least for this one night where I'm having a really bad night at least. I did the best I could to shave down my time and try to keep as focused as I could but a 10hr shift while you're hemorrhaging of course your main focus is going to be NOT DYING. I did make it though unfortunately my time did night as I tried to sneak out too my car Jason made sure at that moment he would be posted by the exit. He waited there tapping the table just waiting too pull me aside so he can show me the chart.
"We need to talk about your time" after that I sort of zoned out because all I could hear was my heart beating in my ears. I couldn't get fired not just yet at least. However the time told on me, 141 minuets. The worst part of it was I went from intimidated to throwing all my cards in. I was tired of getting bullied So I told him what had been going on the whole night and why my time was so high. It wasn't good enough for him as he was going to submit a review for termination no matter what happened that night. We had stayed an extra 30 min arguing he even decided to call in some of his minions to back him up for terminating me.
I however was all alone, so I told him do whatever he wants but I'm leaving. I stormed off through the metal detectors and all that coward had to say to me way "you can't run from this you know". It still rings in my ears to this day. What did I do then? I did what anybody would do. I took a leave of absence for a month and avoided the whole thing like a loser. Yeah sounds like a bitch move I know but hey I was buying myself time until I could get out of that hell hole.
When I come back is when things get really crazy. So consider this a cliche "To be continued type of things"
Tuesday, July 18, 2017
Back from Hiatus PSA
Hello all! guess who is back from Hiatus!! That's right i'm sorry for kind of ditching like that but life was getting really out of control but I am glad too announce that I am back now and here's what's too come in season two of my life out of order:
- Adulting Fails
- More car trouble
- Ex and his disaster of a family
- Good old Jake (he just wont leave)
- The trouble with finding a girlfriend
- More horror stories during my last days at Amazon
- New Job excitement
- New friends
- Awkward encounters
- New Crushes
- More chapters to Some things never change
- AND WHOLE BUNCH OF OTHER STUFF (the rest of the world probably considers crap but I am for sure writing it down)
Monday, June 5, 2017
Some things never change: Chapter 4
CHAPTER 4: One too many choices
Adeline hopped off of the bus and ran through the bustling streets before stopping at a large white building which read "BOXES and sometimes PARAGRAPHS" it was a temp agency with an odd name but it was always busy. Adeline ran up two flights of stairs and rushed in the door as she slowed down to a power walk when she came across the security sitting at the desk "don't start" Adeline said, the man snickered as he scanned her badge and handed it back. Adeline quickly tucked it in her pocket and she continued through the lobby to the elevator at the end. She didn't find time to admire the sistine chapel like wall art and the marble floors like she normally did, however she did find time for it as she waited by the elevator. Once the elevator reached the first floor and opened up two tall business like men stepped out as they discussed what seemed to Adeline a meeting they just went to. She quickly stepped in the elevator and hit the 6th floor. She rested against the rails looking up at her reflection on the ceiling she continually made faces at her self to stay entertained on what seemed like the longest ride of her life. The elevator binged and the doors eased their way open to a long hallway that was covered in people scurrying about. Adeline sighed as she started making her way through the crowd in to the large double doors down the right. She slipped in around the corner as she pulled her badge out of her pocket and put it around her neck she stood on her toes to get a better view of the room considering she could never find her desk on days like this. To no avail she started making her way through the room "excuse me" she constantly repeated but no one paid her any mind as they were too busy with their paperwork.
On the right side of the room there was a receptionist desk and that always had the longest line, down the way there were other desks lined up where clients sat after talking to their workers abut potential jobs. The room was always loud and you could never hear yourself think however occasionally Adeline boss would come out with a large bell and tell everyone to quiet down if there was meeting taking place in the back. Once Adeline made her way through the crow to the other side where it had been mostly clear she eyed her desk. She rushed to sit down as she noticed there was a post it note on her computer which read "Lexi is out sick the next few week feel free to take over her clients thanks". Adeline snatched off the post it note and tossed it in the trash out of frustration, she was use to it though Lexi was always out sick. No one really knew why and they didn't really waste their time wondering but the problem was Lexi had the most clients she drew them in with her low cut tops and sensual pencil chewing. Adeline hated Lexi ever since she started to do less and less that and Lexi always called her by her real name, something Adeline loathed.
She pulled herself together and turned on her computer, while she waited for it to boot up she shuffled through a stack a papers that sat at the corner of her desk. It was all of Lexis' work for the day. Adeline was surprised to find the stack half of it normal size but she still frowned in its wake. Once her computer powered on she opened the employee portal to check the announcements for today nothing seemed to be new except that now they were going to hand out doughnuts at lunch time in honor of employee of the month. Adeline shrugged and closed the window as she pull up her client profiles she skimmed through the file before paging the receptionist "yes Adeline"? the operator said "yeah feel free to send Mitch cablesten to the desk please and thanks" Adeline responded "will do" the voice chimed back. Adeline leaned over to open the file drawer where she had everyones information stored. The files were in alphabetical order by last name so Mitch wasn't hard to find. Within moments of her plucking the file a tall man with short greasy black hair pulled the seat back and sat down. He smelled of axe ad motor oil it made Adelines' stomach churn but she hid it on her face well.
"What you got for me today" the man croaked, "well based on your resume I have a few things available" Adeline took her mouse and quickly through Mitchs' folder "Tyrex and Co have openings for warehouse truck loaders the pay would be 17.00 an hour with benefits and you would work 5 days a week keep in mind its temp to hire" she continued "what else"? Mitch said "everything else would be minimum wage" Adeline folded her arms and leaned back in her chair as she waited for him to think about it "you're in need Mitch with 5 dogs to feed and a house payment do you think nows the time to be picky" Adeline asked "you're right ill take it" Mitch said without hesitation. "Smart" Adeline said as she continued to fill in his application. Once she finished and gave him the okay she pulled up the next file. It was then she realized it was gonna be a long morning.
Adeline hopped off of the bus and ran through the bustling streets before stopping at a large white building which read "BOXES and sometimes PARAGRAPHS" it was a temp agency with an odd name but it was always busy. Adeline ran up two flights of stairs and rushed in the door as she slowed down to a power walk when she came across the security sitting at the desk "don't start" Adeline said, the man snickered as he scanned her badge and handed it back. Adeline quickly tucked it in her pocket and she continued through the lobby to the elevator at the end. She didn't find time to admire the sistine chapel like wall art and the marble floors like she normally did, however she did find time for it as she waited by the elevator. Once the elevator reached the first floor and opened up two tall business like men stepped out as they discussed what seemed to Adeline a meeting they just went to. She quickly stepped in the elevator and hit the 6th floor. She rested against the rails looking up at her reflection on the ceiling she continually made faces at her self to stay entertained on what seemed like the longest ride of her life. The elevator binged and the doors eased their way open to a long hallway that was covered in people scurrying about. Adeline sighed as she started making her way through the crowd in to the large double doors down the right. She slipped in around the corner as she pulled her badge out of her pocket and put it around her neck she stood on her toes to get a better view of the room considering she could never find her desk on days like this. To no avail she started making her way through the room "excuse me" she constantly repeated but no one paid her any mind as they were too busy with their paperwork.
On the right side of the room there was a receptionist desk and that always had the longest line, down the way there were other desks lined up where clients sat after talking to their workers abut potential jobs. The room was always loud and you could never hear yourself think however occasionally Adeline boss would come out with a large bell and tell everyone to quiet down if there was meeting taking place in the back. Once Adeline made her way through the crow to the other side where it had been mostly clear she eyed her desk. She rushed to sit down as she noticed there was a post it note on her computer which read "Lexi is out sick the next few week feel free to take over her clients thanks". Adeline snatched off the post it note and tossed it in the trash out of frustration, she was use to it though Lexi was always out sick. No one really knew why and they didn't really waste their time wondering but the problem was Lexi had the most clients she drew them in with her low cut tops and sensual pencil chewing. Adeline hated Lexi ever since she started to do less and less that and Lexi always called her by her real name, something Adeline loathed.
She pulled herself together and turned on her computer, while she waited for it to boot up she shuffled through a stack a papers that sat at the corner of her desk. It was all of Lexis' work for the day. Adeline was surprised to find the stack half of it normal size but she still frowned in its wake. Once her computer powered on she opened the employee portal to check the announcements for today nothing seemed to be new except that now they were going to hand out doughnuts at lunch time in honor of employee of the month. Adeline shrugged and closed the window as she pull up her client profiles she skimmed through the file before paging the receptionist "yes Adeline"? the operator said "yeah feel free to send Mitch cablesten to the desk please and thanks" Adeline responded "will do" the voice chimed back. Adeline leaned over to open the file drawer where she had everyones information stored. The files were in alphabetical order by last name so Mitch wasn't hard to find. Within moments of her plucking the file a tall man with short greasy black hair pulled the seat back and sat down. He smelled of axe ad motor oil it made Adelines' stomach churn but she hid it on her face well.
"What you got for me today" the man croaked, "well based on your resume I have a few things available" Adeline took her mouse and quickly through Mitchs' folder "Tyrex and Co have openings for warehouse truck loaders the pay would be 17.00 an hour with benefits and you would work 5 days a week keep in mind its temp to hire" she continued "what else"? Mitch said "everything else would be minimum wage" Adeline folded her arms and leaned back in her chair as she waited for him to think about it "you're in need Mitch with 5 dogs to feed and a house payment do you think nows the time to be picky" Adeline asked "you're right ill take it" Mitch said without hesitation. "Smart" Adeline said as she continued to fill in his application. Once she finished and gave him the okay she pulled up the next file. It was then she realized it was gonna be a long morning.
Saturday, June 3, 2017
Nothings worse then a sad sunset
The day was warm as the sun set and shined so elegantly on her face. Her sparkling blue eyes gave way as she stared intently in the distance. She took a deep breath and she inhaled the salt in the air. She listened quietly as the smooth water caressed her ears with the sound of sparse movement.
She looked down as tears flooded her eyes. She decided she was ready as she leaned out her right foot and stepped off of the bridge, with adrenaline rushing through her veins and her heart racing faster then lighting she lost her breath. She brought her leg back in and proceeded to close her eyes and with full force she kept from the bridge.
Gravity was pulling her down closer and closer to the silent waves beneath her. She relaxed her arms by her side as she took a large deep breath one more time. She felt herself get halfway and with that she unknowingly braced herself for the few moments that were yet to come. Within those few moments she opened her eyes one last time to view the sun set over the horizon.
Her fall quickly came to a halt after that after, something sharply yanked her by the neck causing it to snap almost instantly. Her eyes remained open and fixed on the horizon as she swayed gently by the rope. Seagulls flew by squawking not giving anytime to the corps which lay in their path. The world continued on including the cars along the bridge as they drove along honking their horns at each other making their way to their many destinations.
The ocean still swayed softly at the bottom however not close enough to splash the body. Tears were running down her face towards the end, as it was such a beautiful day for an unseen death. The world was remarkable as nothing or anything changed and that was the worst part. Who knows how long the sad girl would hang there until someone came around to notice and care about her. That will forever be the worst part.
Now as a disclosure notice the girl in the photo is still alive Its just a reference for the background. If you or anyone are having suicidal thoughts please talk to someone and get help as soon as possible the suicide hotline is always available and I am always here to talk as well as my contributor feel free to e-mail any one of us we are here for you.
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