Wednesday, October 25, 2017

Team lead or team loss?

Once upon a time someone told me that I should have more ambition when it comes to my job. I use to think that was true. Well I didn't start thinking it was true until I had a couple of people who believed in me well initially it was one person and even then I felt like that was really half assed because I showed no interest in anything except for myself. Well that wasn't entirely true I guess.

Now in my original area that I started I wasn't really recognized except by the other people in the surrounding areas and those compliments didn't really count because I couldn't use that to let the other people on my line see just how great I am. It was that point on that I wasn't too worried about for the simple fact that. Why should I bust may ass for people who dont care to recognize me. I did that at my last two jobs and I refused to let it happen again. So what did I do? I stayed in the background and I kept my mouth shut. As much as I could at least and I did my best to not let others break my spirit. It didn't always work but when it did I would run to the bathroom and cry sometimes (all the time).

Now that was just the daily for the first few month, now when I got moved to an entirely different area things got crazy. My AM was batshit and my supervisor couldn't tell if he was coming or going some of the time. Its was really weird if you ask me. I hated it at first but hey why did I care. It was my interest to stay in the background and it stayed like that the first few weeks until I started making friends in my area. Slowly I started to notice the potential I had and how many opportunities showed up before me in the process. The greatest part was I got to switch back and forth between the teams because I got bored and tired of my work. Once I got settled in on team three though everything got better and I was sort happy with my placement.

It was then when I found my place after meeting Raul. he was one of the team leads and one of the very first ones who started seeing potential in me before anyone else did. Thanks to that small spark, I asked him everyday to teach me something new and slowly it progressed to me being able to run my own small group of people. I felt like I could actually go somewhere in life. That lasted for a short while because I still too busy having flings in the background and chasing my own rules. Something I try not to do on the regular. The cool thing was when I finally applied myself me and Raul sort of bonded and it was the most awkward yet beautiful thing.

Within the next few days he was passing on his knowledge to me. Every little thing no matter how small it was. I took that knowledge and I learned from it and I found it within myself to grow. I will add that of course the people in the background weren't the happiest about it and I had a lot of battles here and there and I guess you could say I had lost a few friends along the way. However I didn't really feel like they were down for the ride in the first place and that was a terrible feeling. However I was old enough and I grew up and I moved on. 

The worst par about it was when it came time to give small orders I had to actually put my food down and be assertive. Something I wasn't good at in the first place, I mean I always say I'm 5ft and that my attitude is 6'5. Thats just talk deep down I am a sensitive human being. Now anyways back to the narrative. Me and Raul were cool and he had high hopes for me to lead the team and with that one of the other leads came around to give me guidance because I was for sure lost in a wave of self doubt. Something I had been carrying with me for a long time even when I was growing up.

It was the first time I actually;y felt like I had a purpose at a job and that was a big accomplishment on my end. I woke up everyday feeling like I can't be beat. However it did get super annoying and most days I didn't feel like stepping into work because the people were difficult. I pressed on with barely any recognition from my supervisor, he was lost but he was hard to please and he didn't hesitate tell you who's sinking and who's swimming. I wasn't swimming I was just staying a float but like I said I pressed on. I have to admit I went on a slight power trip because I got jealous that the other sheeple were learning things. I would like to say I played fair but I figured its my time to shine that I should run with it.

That didn't last long my team was falling behind the other teams and all this extra stuff and the highly discouraged me didn't hesitate to let it happen. That was all bad and I shouldn't have done that. This isn't was I was cut out for and slowly at a time I have realized that. I have backed off a lot and have just been hanging out in the background. I don't know if anything I learned will pay off but I truly hope it does and even though my team lead got moved to the dock. Which is in the back end of the warehouse and I hardly get to see him. I am pressing on with my new team lead and though its difficult I guess I don't have a choice because this is my life now.

Moral of the story: If you have ambition don't second guess yourself!! P.S I don't know how this story ends because this is an on going chronicle thing lol

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