Once upon a time someone told me that I should have more ambition when it comes to my job. I use to think that was true. Well I didn't start thinking it was true until I had a couple of people who believed in me well initially it was one person and even then I felt like that was really half assed because I showed no interest in anything except for myself. Well that wasn't entirely true I guess.
Now in my original area that I started I wasn't really recognized except by the other people in the surrounding areas and those compliments didn't really count because I couldn't use that to let the other people on my line see just how great I am. It was that point on that I wasn't too worried about for the simple fact that. Why should I bust may ass for people who dont care to recognize me. I did that at my last two jobs and I refused to let it happen again. So what did I do? I stayed in the background and I kept my mouth shut. As much as I could at least and I did my best to not let others break my spirit. It didn't always work but when it did I would run to the bathroom and cry sometimes (all the time).
Now that was just the daily for the first few month, now when I got moved to an entirely different area things got crazy. My AM was batshit and my supervisor couldn't tell if he was coming or going some of the time. Its was really weird if you ask me. I hated it at first but hey why did I care. It was my interest to stay in the background and it stayed like that the first few weeks until I started making friends in my area. Slowly I started to notice the potential I had and how many opportunities showed up before me in the process. The greatest part was I got to switch back and forth between the teams because I got bored and tired of my work. Once I got settled in on team three though everything got better and I was sort happy with my placement.
It was then when I found my place after meeting Raul. he was one of the team leads and one of the very first ones who started seeing potential in me before anyone else did. Thanks to that small spark, I asked him everyday to teach me something new and slowly it progressed to me being able to run my own small group of people. I felt like I could actually go somewhere in life. That lasted for a short while because I still too busy having flings in the background and chasing my own rules. Something I try not to do on the regular. The cool thing was when I finally applied myself me and Raul sort of bonded and it was the most awkward yet beautiful thing.
Within the next few days he was passing on his knowledge to me. Every little thing no matter how small it was. I took that knowledge and I learned from it and I found it within myself to grow. I will add that of course the people in the background weren't the happiest about it and I had a lot of battles here and there and I guess you could say I had lost a few friends along the way. However I didn't really feel like they were down for the ride in the first place and that was a terrible feeling. However I was old enough and I grew up and I moved on.
The worst par about it was when it came time to give small orders I had to actually put my food down and be assertive. Something I wasn't good at in the first place, I mean I always say I'm 5ft and that my attitude is 6'5. Thats just talk deep down I am a sensitive human being. Now anyways back to the narrative. Me and Raul were cool and he had high hopes for me to lead the team and with that one of the other leads came around to give me guidance because I was for sure lost in a wave of self doubt. Something I had been carrying with me for a long time even when I was growing up.
It was the first time I actually;y felt like I had a purpose at a job and that was a big accomplishment on my end. I woke up everyday feeling like I can't be beat. However it did get super annoying and most days I didn't feel like stepping into work because the people were difficult. I pressed on with barely any recognition from my supervisor, he was lost but he was hard to please and he didn't hesitate tell you who's sinking and who's swimming. I wasn't swimming I was just staying a float but like I said I pressed on. I have to admit I went on a slight power trip because I got jealous that the other sheeple were learning things. I would like to say I played fair but I figured its my time to shine that I should run with it.
That didn't last long my team was falling behind the other teams and all this extra stuff and the highly discouraged me didn't hesitate to let it happen. That was all bad and I shouldn't have done that. This isn't was I was cut out for and slowly at a time I have realized that. I have backed off a lot and have just been hanging out in the background. I don't know if anything I learned will pay off but I truly hope it does and even though my team lead got moved to the dock. Which is in the back end of the warehouse and I hardly get to see him. I am pressing on with my new team lead and though its difficult I guess I don't have a choice because this is my life now.
Moral of the story: If you have ambition don't second guess yourself!! P.S I don't know how this story ends because this is an on going chronicle thing lol
Real life happens, I guess you could say its the order that it happens that makes the magic.
Wednesday, October 25, 2017
Monday, October 23, 2017
Bar fights and green jolly ranchers?
The awkward gloomy situations are the ones I use to get myself into. This time it started at work. Oh you know a lot of great ideas come from this place. Well I guess it just depends on where you work at and how good the relationships and string cheese are. The ones at McDonalds are all right except it gives you that extra stringy string of cheese, and it all starts getting gummy in your mouth and hard to swallow no matter how much saliva in the back covered it. Gross but keep that picture the next time your ex comes over and to collect his things and it ends up you both having amateur sex while your puppy sits and stares a you. It was indeed that bad. this narrative also includes cheap bar behavior with the friend that passes out and gets right back up to party. Thanks for reading this bull****.....
Well first off I want to add that I am not the instigator in this incident. I was just a bystander in the mix of it all until my friends start getting wilder and wilder. Did I also mention that some of these people were in other narratives. Now the ones who have been reading in the lines in most of my posts now where my story is going. Now if you didn't get it in that instance then you will receive the message towards the end.All we can do is hope Jethro.
Anywayyys so I am twenty-three right and I have met the most immaculate set of friends that you can imagine. I was hanging out with Valencia she was this tall thick petite little Samoan girl with six kids. She looked 25 but she was 40. She had these Sapphire blue eyes with a hint of cinnamon and emerald and when she bat her eyes the world she had full lips that she tries to make pout all the time and she's this amazing adventure of a background that people often doubt and everyone just loves her frontal lobes honestly they were the greatest thing ever seen but that's just my opinion. She was a really hot but really sweet girl who every dog in the street wanted to bang and when the good boys would come around she'd break their hearts and stole their dignity in a flash.
The next friend on this list is Kiara and boy did she have all the sass in the world. Attitude left and right and boy was it killer. She landed herself in trouble a lot and really didn't think anything of it. She had this really unhealthy and intense relationship with her girlfriend Nicole. All they do is Skype each other all day long. It got gross too look at at some point if you ask me. We all have our opinions and I guess mine doesn't count at the moment. I just know she was a heavy drinker, killer at make up, and had two snakes she took care of. Which she tell us weird Anecdotes about. Not too often mainly in the bathroom where you will find all of the other weird stories. So far there haven't been any good ones and that disappoints me actually. She was cool painstakingly annoying but cool.
We all formed a bond at some point and can't quite figure out when but I just know at this rate we were doing everything together. Valencia and Nicole a little more since they had the most in common. They were indeed the best frenemies I have seen since mean girls (I feel like that's the first and last time I am going to mention that movie). We had developed fun habits by going out and getting shit faced at the bar while pretending we weren't driving home. The bar was usually awkward. The other girls had all the guys hitting on them, while I counted sips that I took out of the straw. I'm not eye candy no matter how much people tell me that.
This one particular night at the bar was bit more fun. We didn't go into work that day and decided to hang out at the bar before last call and go meet up with all of the other employees drowning their work sorrows in the bottle of their glasses. It tasted like despair in the room and boy did it taste disgusting. The worst part was the girls were picking up some truly guys and didn't think about it before inviting them to go out side and hang and talk with us and we attempted to stand still for a few rounds. The conversation went well and Nicole was basking in the attention as Valencia sat there and sulked about bad memories. I on the other had found a nice guy to talk too simply because he wasn't being taken seriously by his other friends.
That turned out to be all bad if you ask me and the reason for that being was he tried multiple attempts to kiss me and guess what? he obviously got swerved the whole time and even then that didn't bother him enough to stop. The only cool thing about the situation was I got a free drink out of it and all of that was cool up until its time for us to break apart and go home. Keep in mind my lover was texting me to pick them up. So you know where this goes its already chaos if you ask me. I'm late and Valencia is gone bring another fuck boy home to cuddle with and Nicole was gonna bum rides off of people going the same way. However she decided the stranger that Valencia was kissing on was gonna take her home and if you haven't guess it already that turned out to be the worst thing ever.
He and the guy start arguing because she picked up her lunch bad which was identical to his and started poking around in it. Of course the guy panics because it turns out there was a gun in his lunch box and he chose that moment to be paranoid about it. Well here it goes guys, they start arguing and getting into each other faces. Nicole and the fuck boy stranger. Valencia tried to calm the situation but she decided that going home and banging the stranger was more important she kept on being his eye candy. Which was expected. The worst part about it was his friend tries to Cop a feel so I turn around and punch him and next thing you know we are on the ground socking each other. He was doing his best not to hit a female but I was making it exceptionally hard.
In the background everyone is fighting and finally after beating his friends ass I get in the middle of the group and I start calming everyone down and I was sending them to their corner spaces of the world it was working for the mean time but adults can be stubborn if you ask anyone really. Keep in mind I am still getting chewed out for not picking my lover up on time. Also keep in mind that I am shit faced and the room keeps spinning and I can barely hold it together at this point. However I did manage to get home safe after me and Nicole discussed everything in the car and why she wasn't going to be Valencias friend anymore because she chose the guy over their friendship. I forgot to mention that I woke up the next day with a pain in my hip. Shit was ultra crazy.
I can only blame myself because that's what I get for sucking down hard liquor with a group of people with awkward interest and a popularity standard. My moral of the story: Don't let your friends reckless behavior get you fucked up at a bar.
Well first off I want to add that I am not the instigator in this incident. I was just a bystander in the mix of it all until my friends start getting wilder and wilder. Did I also mention that some of these people were in other narratives. Now the ones who have been reading in the lines in most of my posts now where my story is going. Now if you didn't get it in that instance then you will receive the message towards the end.All we can do is hope Jethro.
Anywayyys so I am twenty-three right and I have met the most immaculate set of friends that you can imagine. I was hanging out with Valencia she was this tall thick petite little Samoan girl with six kids. She looked 25 but she was 40. She had these Sapphire blue eyes with a hint of cinnamon and emerald and when she bat her eyes the world she had full lips that she tries to make pout all the time and she's this amazing adventure of a background that people often doubt and everyone just loves her frontal lobes honestly they were the greatest thing ever seen but that's just my opinion. She was a really hot but really sweet girl who every dog in the street wanted to bang and when the good boys would come around she'd break their hearts and stole their dignity in a flash.
The next friend on this list is Kiara and boy did she have all the sass in the world. Attitude left and right and boy was it killer. She landed herself in trouble a lot and really didn't think anything of it. She had this really unhealthy and intense relationship with her girlfriend Nicole. All they do is Skype each other all day long. It got gross too look at at some point if you ask me. We all have our opinions and I guess mine doesn't count at the moment. I just know she was a heavy drinker, killer at make up, and had two snakes she took care of. Which she tell us weird Anecdotes about. Not too often mainly in the bathroom where you will find all of the other weird stories. So far there haven't been any good ones and that disappoints me actually. She was cool painstakingly annoying but cool.
We all formed a bond at some point and can't quite figure out when but I just know at this rate we were doing everything together. Valencia and Nicole a little more since they had the most in common. They were indeed the best frenemies I have seen since mean girls (I feel like that's the first and last time I am going to mention that movie). We had developed fun habits by going out and getting shit faced at the bar while pretending we weren't driving home. The bar was usually awkward. The other girls had all the guys hitting on them, while I counted sips that I took out of the straw. I'm not eye candy no matter how much people tell me that.
This one particular night at the bar was bit more fun. We didn't go into work that day and decided to hang out at the bar before last call and go meet up with all of the other employees drowning their work sorrows in the bottle of their glasses. It tasted like despair in the room and boy did it taste disgusting. The worst part was the girls were picking up some truly guys and didn't think about it before inviting them to go out side and hang and talk with us and we attempted to stand still for a few rounds. The conversation went well and Nicole was basking in the attention as Valencia sat there and sulked about bad memories. I on the other had found a nice guy to talk too simply because he wasn't being taken seriously by his other friends.
That turned out to be all bad if you ask me and the reason for that being was he tried multiple attempts to kiss me and guess what? he obviously got swerved the whole time and even then that didn't bother him enough to stop. The only cool thing about the situation was I got a free drink out of it and all of that was cool up until its time for us to break apart and go home. Keep in mind my lover was texting me to pick them up. So you know where this goes its already chaos if you ask me. I'm late and Valencia is gone bring another fuck boy home to cuddle with and Nicole was gonna bum rides off of people going the same way. However she decided the stranger that Valencia was kissing on was gonna take her home and if you haven't guess it already that turned out to be the worst thing ever.
He and the guy start arguing because she picked up her lunch bad which was identical to his and started poking around in it. Of course the guy panics because it turns out there was a gun in his lunch box and he chose that moment to be paranoid about it. Well here it goes guys, they start arguing and getting into each other faces. Nicole and the fuck boy stranger. Valencia tried to calm the situation but she decided that going home and banging the stranger was more important she kept on being his eye candy. Which was expected. The worst part about it was his friend tries to Cop a feel so I turn around and punch him and next thing you know we are on the ground socking each other. He was doing his best not to hit a female but I was making it exceptionally hard.
In the background everyone is fighting and finally after beating his friends ass I get in the middle of the group and I start calming everyone down and I was sending them to their corner spaces of the world it was working for the mean time but adults can be stubborn if you ask anyone really. Keep in mind I am still getting chewed out for not picking my lover up on time. Also keep in mind that I am shit faced and the room keeps spinning and I can barely hold it together at this point. However I did manage to get home safe after me and Nicole discussed everything in the car and why she wasn't going to be Valencias friend anymore because she chose the guy over their friendship. I forgot to mention that I woke up the next day with a pain in my hip. Shit was ultra crazy.
I can only blame myself because that's what I get for sucking down hard liquor with a group of people with awkward interest and a popularity standard. My moral of the story: Don't let your friends reckless behavior get you fucked up at a bar.
Saturday, October 21, 2017
My journey into Body Mod: Part 2
Here we go guys the second part of the chronicle as I take you down my journey into body mod! However this post is specifically about my industrial bar its already been two months and it has been pretty easy. I got lucky and haven't had an infection yet however I have been taking a few bumps with it and with that being said I have developed keloids they started off slow but its gradual in growth and they don't bother me. I have been taking time out to care for them by trying out aspirin paste and so far that has been working out well enough for me.
If you pay attention to the white specs that would be the residue from the aspirin, I was running kind of late this morning and I didn't have enough time to wash the paste off the way I wanted to. However if you look closer you will see the lumps next too the entry and exits point. They have decreased in size and I wish I took a picture prior to the healing process so you all could spot the difference. It isn't hard to mange I clean it with salt water everyday and now I use the paste for about 5 min after everything is going well.
Thursday, October 19, 2017
Once upon a fling thing
(Intro in the style of the fresh prince theme) Heres a little story all about how I met this guy and some fling thing got turned upside down, I'd like to take a minuet just wait right there I'll tell you all about how this fling thing gave me an emotional scare.
Now I would like to start this off with a disclosure notice for those who are new to my blog and what not. The disclosure being that names and certain details will be changed to protect the identity of the other person and to also protect me in case this does come up later thank you!
So for the last few months I have ben working at Tesla (for those who doesn't know what that is I encourage all of you to go take a look and learn some stuff). Now Ive been with Tesla for a few months now and in that process. I happen to have met a nice guy by the name of Elias. Which was a great name by the way because I love that name. Anyway Elias was cool we didn't talk much at first but later on we kinda bonded on vibes and his love for contemporary musicians. He wasn't my best friend but he was pretty close and we always found time to talk in the parking lot next to our job.
It was pretty cool I made all these friends at work and we all talked and added each other on snapchat. There wasn't like a "I like him" thing going on at first until one day I am on the freeway driving home and like always we talk the conversation took a turn when he started constantly calling me cute. Normally I didn't think anything of it of course but after him throwing out like 8 compliments I caught on and it was like wild fire because I caught myself flirting back. Which was weird it didn't feel right talking to a new guy after Jake had made his departure but I figured why not lets give this moving on thing a try.
The conversation was simple he told me how cute I was and we got more intimate he was like 8 years older then me but I still felt connected and he felt like my age at heart which is a weird thing to say I guess. He was a different kind of person he even had that level headed sense of humor that I like. Things were pretty standard until the next day when we got to work and started hanging out at our usual spot we kind of strayed away from the crowed and did our own thing. Trust me it was once those heated awkward situations and I knew I was gonna end up kissing him or it was gonna be the other way around.
After sitting and talking about how cute I am he worked up the nerve to grab my hand, of course that left me kind of stuck but it really threw me off when he ever so politely asked me for a kiss how could I deny! I can't say I regret it later and I am not saying that I do but what I will say he was a fantastic fucking kisser and I don't run into too many of those. According to him he hasn't kissed anyone in like two years plus but he wasn't as eager as I expected him to be. I just know after a few days and a couple of kisses that I was starting to get these weird feelings and it looked worse at work, I wasn't trying to follow him like a lost puppy with huge hearts in my eyes but it seemed like it turned out that way and the other co-workers started catching on and slowly started making fun of us.
I would like to keep in mind that this was over a course of like a week maybe more and it was probably the best thing I experienced after dealing with Jake and that whole crazy process. Things heated up especially after making naughty exchanges for each other on snap chat (I regret nothing for the most part). I was deeply in like at this point and I wasn't really worried about anything at that rate, and I felt like he was too we would save each other seats every other week in case we got on the same bus and if we did we would watch movies together. It was beautiful or so I thought.
That was until he had to make it known that he didn't want a relationship and I guess you could say that things got messed up from there. I was hoping it would affect me better but the fact that I was kinda invested was kind of screwed up to begin with. I guess I fell too hard or I was rebounding from the last situation either way thats the only thing I regret at the moment. We are still friends and I have backed off a lot and things feel a lot better then they did when I started this whole thing even though I see him at work and I still get into my feelings over him.
Moral of the story: Don't have flings with Co-workers for the simple fact that you have to see them everyday and if you exchange pictures just know they have seen you naked lol💆
Now I would like to start this off with a disclosure notice for those who are new to my blog and what not. The disclosure being that names and certain details will be changed to protect the identity of the other person and to also protect me in case this does come up later thank you!
So for the last few months I have ben working at Tesla (for those who doesn't know what that is I encourage all of you to go take a look and learn some stuff). Now Ive been with Tesla for a few months now and in that process. I happen to have met a nice guy by the name of Elias. Which was a great name by the way because I love that name. Anyway Elias was cool we didn't talk much at first but later on we kinda bonded on vibes and his love for contemporary musicians. He wasn't my best friend but he was pretty close and we always found time to talk in the parking lot next to our job.
It was pretty cool I made all these friends at work and we all talked and added each other on snapchat. There wasn't like a "I like him" thing going on at first until one day I am on the freeway driving home and like always we talk the conversation took a turn when he started constantly calling me cute. Normally I didn't think anything of it of course but after him throwing out like 8 compliments I caught on and it was like wild fire because I caught myself flirting back. Which was weird it didn't feel right talking to a new guy after Jake had made his departure but I figured why not lets give this moving on thing a try.
The conversation was simple he told me how cute I was and we got more intimate he was like 8 years older then me but I still felt connected and he felt like my age at heart which is a weird thing to say I guess. He was a different kind of person he even had that level headed sense of humor that I like. Things were pretty standard until the next day when we got to work and started hanging out at our usual spot we kind of strayed away from the crowed and did our own thing. Trust me it was once those heated awkward situations and I knew I was gonna end up kissing him or it was gonna be the other way around.
After sitting and talking about how cute I am he worked up the nerve to grab my hand, of course that left me kind of stuck but it really threw me off when he ever so politely asked me for a kiss how could I deny! I can't say I regret it later and I am not saying that I do but what I will say he was a fantastic fucking kisser and I don't run into too many of those. According to him he hasn't kissed anyone in like two years plus but he wasn't as eager as I expected him to be. I just know after a few days and a couple of kisses that I was starting to get these weird feelings and it looked worse at work, I wasn't trying to follow him like a lost puppy with huge hearts in my eyes but it seemed like it turned out that way and the other co-workers started catching on and slowly started making fun of us.
I would like to keep in mind that this was over a course of like a week maybe more and it was probably the best thing I experienced after dealing with Jake and that whole crazy process. Things heated up especially after making naughty exchanges for each other on snap chat (I regret nothing for the most part). I was deeply in like at this point and I wasn't really worried about anything at that rate, and I felt like he was too we would save each other seats every other week in case we got on the same bus and if we did we would watch movies together. It was beautiful or so I thought.
That was until he had to make it known that he didn't want a relationship and I guess you could say that things got messed up from there. I was hoping it would affect me better but the fact that I was kinda invested was kind of screwed up to begin with. I guess I fell too hard or I was rebounding from the last situation either way thats the only thing I regret at the moment. We are still friends and I have backed off a lot and things feel a lot better then they did when I started this whole thing even though I see him at work and I still get into my feelings over him.
Moral of the story: Don't have flings with Co-workers for the simple fact that you have to see them everyday and if you exchange pictures just know they have seen you naked lol💆
Tuesday, October 17, 2017
The end of an era for sure
We left off at some weird point in my life where I was mutilating myself or something along the way there was also all the emotional abuse from like Jake (because you know, my life didn't play out in order in this wild adventure of non-sense). I am here today to tell the final episode of Jake....so here goes ill do my best not to unblock him and have him end up in my life (again).
I think the worst part about the way it ended was that it didn't phase either one of us it was a constant hassle of wanting money, wanting sex, emotional detachment especially on his end but of course I found myself in the middle once again. Sitting in the car crying after overtime he touched me and did my best to block out the sick things he would whisper in my ear as he stole away my dignity in one swoop. I resented him and I resented him up until the very point where he told me that the day he punched me and gave me a black eye. Haunted him in his every dreams. That was the fire that kept me going and I constantly tortured him with it.
We argued like cats and dogs and when he put his hands around my neck for the last time and told me that he owned me. I had a change in my feeling because I wasn't scared anymore and I felt like I could have walked away and not blinked and eye. The only thing that kept me going was when he would tell me he loved me on multiple occasions and even though deep down I knew he didn't mean it I rode the wave of lies that was eventually going to drown him and me.
Deep down Jake was a great person it was just that he let all his demons consume him and it was scary. However when you go through war we went through for three years it seemed like nothing in comparison. I just know he felt like I was the problem and therefore he always blamed me for the inconsistencies that came up in his life and I guess you could say it was my fault because I wasn't trying to make him a better person. I was feeding the demons that fueled him because I WANTED TO SEE JUST HOW FAR IN THE DARK he was. I'm not going to lie and he was a dark person from all the things that he did that I cannot speak of at the moment.
You just get tired of feeling empty and alone all the time so you start to realize that there isn't anything there and thats the point we got to. He knew it when he sent me a message saying how toxic I was and that we needed to find a lot of time apart because he hated me. I remember not really feeling anything except like thank god this man is going to be out of my life. He wasn't we started talking within the next month after that. Yeah I know I make poor choices. The rape that was going on jumped of one last time before he decided that I wasn't good enough to talk to him if I didn't have money.
The best part out of the situation was that I got to have the last word and he was mad but it was after that, that I realized that I couldn't keep him around anymore because it was messing me up as a human being and it was ruining my very existence and I have worked very hard to be the person I have become the only issue now is that I have seen so many things in the last three years with him that I don't know how to undo the things he did to me. I'm doing my best to not let it carry through my relationships and social interactions but it has and now all I do is crave him and I wish I didn't because he didn't give a damn about me in the first place. Its that very feeling that is going to haunt me for the rest of my life.
Moral of the story: Like Halestorm said " I miss the misery"
I think the worst part about the way it ended was that it didn't phase either one of us it was a constant hassle of wanting money, wanting sex, emotional detachment especially on his end but of course I found myself in the middle once again. Sitting in the car crying after overtime he touched me and did my best to block out the sick things he would whisper in my ear as he stole away my dignity in one swoop. I resented him and I resented him up until the very point where he told me that the day he punched me and gave me a black eye. Haunted him in his every dreams. That was the fire that kept me going and I constantly tortured him with it.
We argued like cats and dogs and when he put his hands around my neck for the last time and told me that he owned me. I had a change in my feeling because I wasn't scared anymore and I felt like I could have walked away and not blinked and eye. The only thing that kept me going was when he would tell me he loved me on multiple occasions and even though deep down I knew he didn't mean it I rode the wave of lies that was eventually going to drown him and me.
Deep down Jake was a great person it was just that he let all his demons consume him and it was scary. However when you go through war we went through for three years it seemed like nothing in comparison. I just know he felt like I was the problem and therefore he always blamed me for the inconsistencies that came up in his life and I guess you could say it was my fault because I wasn't trying to make him a better person. I was feeding the demons that fueled him because I WANTED TO SEE JUST HOW FAR IN THE DARK he was. I'm not going to lie and he was a dark person from all the things that he did that I cannot speak of at the moment.
You just get tired of feeling empty and alone all the time so you start to realize that there isn't anything there and thats the point we got to. He knew it when he sent me a message saying how toxic I was and that we needed to find a lot of time apart because he hated me. I remember not really feeling anything except like thank god this man is going to be out of my life. He wasn't we started talking within the next month after that. Yeah I know I make poor choices. The rape that was going on jumped of one last time before he decided that I wasn't good enough to talk to him if I didn't have money.
The best part out of the situation was that I got to have the last word and he was mad but it was after that, that I realized that I couldn't keep him around anymore because it was messing me up as a human being and it was ruining my very existence and I have worked very hard to be the person I have become the only issue now is that I have seen so many things in the last three years with him that I don't know how to undo the things he did to me. I'm doing my best to not let it carry through my relationships and social interactions but it has and now all I do is crave him and I wish I didn't because he didn't give a damn about me in the first place. Its that very feeling that is going to haunt me for the rest of my life.
Moral of the story: Like Halestorm said " I miss the misery"
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