Let me start off by saying the one week I had off from work and school was the most unproductive life changing experience Ive ever had. For one let me start by saying I apologize for what may seem like reckless behavior but we all do crazy things in life, and the weird this is I am saying like it was one of the most hardcore experiences you could have out here. Lets just say adulating got hard and now you have to make up for the time that you out because you had to spend most of it sleeping because you had gotten off the morning before. What can I say im young and im just trying to find out what works in this life I guess.
Let me take you back to a time where work and school was consuming my life, work consumed most of my time because I had to be there for 12hrs a day doing receptive work but I guess that is work no matter where you go. Anyways things like that just get old after awhile so with that being said let me take you down the road where I started getting high a lot more often so I could get a better perspective on things. Now thats not good when you are out spending half of your life with the human of your dreams (yes me and Daniel have been spending quite a bit of time together and now things seem more normal and calmed down if you ask me). Day by day we have our struggles and I guess that is no reason to blame anyone but what can you say?
The only other problem with that I was spending less time with one of my other closer friends and that seemed to sort of hurt the relationship but thats okay because what I learned in this life is that things can bounce back and that you shouldn't dwell or stress upon the situation and thats where I thought me and this closer friend of mine were headed but it would turn out bad all the time and not to mention I was eating too many food stuff at the time. (Found some great places in the Bay Area and even closer to home if anyone wants to know feel free to shit me an e-mail and I will get back to you with all the info of these places).
Did I also fail to mention the I was having a lot of sex in the backseat of my car? Not too be so TMI but lets just say Daniels stroke game is so good he fucks me like he wants to put a baby in me. Okay anyways lets get back on track. Believe it or not it was the best the I've had in a crazy long time. Once again thats besides the point but what I will say is that all these new experiences and this new lifestyle really had me seeing life in a different format if you will. It was feeling great aside from the fact that something was keeping me up late into the night and I guess you could say that was the unfortunate part. Considering I already am an insomniac.
It really felt like I was on what seems like a week long drug binge and I guess you could kinda say thats what it was but I was dabbling with art and new foods to make it a drug only focused thing. Several changes were made in the process. Me and Daniel were back together so we were spending time in the background and that was the best part staying up all night with him, sitting int backseat talking and on occasion having sex. Sometimes we sat in the front seat and we watched movies and took weird trips if you will. I wasn't missing the heartbreak Eden left me with or the other non-sesqe that comes with the forgotten lovers of the relationship sea. I dont want to find myself into any other weird predicament, I was better off this way then I was with Jake and I take great solace in that.
The best part about these late night binges was that I could find myself towards the end of the day even if I was still coming the house around 4am. I wasn't sorry about anything anymore, I felt really sad but really alive at the same time I was still crying everyday but I still found time to give myself orgasms under the stars. Thats another narrative for another time. On the flip side waking up mid afternoon with a hangover high was quite complicated and I couldn't find myself mid day but I was waiting for the night to fall so once again I could re emerge into the strange world where my thoughts play out before me.
Some days were harder then others but I took it easy as much as I could, however the nightmares I was having were starting to become more and more more and soon I found myself in a lucid sleep state like I always am and it was from that point on that I had to learn how to take a break and not got so hard in my recreational activities. One day I stopped and looked up at the sky and then I went into the house and painted something beautiful. So I guess it wasn't a total fail but on top of that I was letting relationships behind the scene. It was kinda like Ik wasn't human life anymore it was like everything was dead, and that the only viable thing in this existence that I could be sure of. Was my love for Daniel. Even though we questioned it a lot.
The time was m oving faster and faster and I couldn't stop it. However at the same time it wasn't moving fast enough and I hated but I didnt know what to do with myself any further. So after fucking Daniel the backseat one last time, I toned it down and I took a breath and a nice long nap and I learned to do nothing with my life and my timr=
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