Okay so I am back with a more personal narrative. Ive been going crazy but I have a lot that I want to get off of my chest. I figured this is best place to do it. So lets jump right in by saying that names and situations will be change and slightly exaggerated to protect the identity of others! Enjoy? Or don't.
Listen, hear me out I have a couple of things that I want to get off my chest...Ive been going crazy all week and even after speaking with a few different perspectives I feel like I haven't gotten down to what's really bothering me. I don't want to think of this as negative, I want to think of it like...clearing the table I guess you could say. I just find myself, in these negative situations with people and I can't understand why sometimes.
For example the most recent situation I was in when my Cat got away (I got him back but still). Image being in the house with your kids and you firstly instruct them as you leave to make sure that the cat doesn't get out. Now in the background add another person their grandmothers friend walking out right before you to go clean out their car. Now naturally you're not going to think anything of it. Now lets fast forward and I am sitting in my car reading, imaging getting a text from your kids father about the dog being gone.
I am not saying that I got mad too early but you have to admit it is entirely frustrating when people disregard what you tell them. I am willing to admit that I let my anxiety get triggered and I responded kind of harshly to the situation I guess you could say. I give him a call and I am freaking out going a million miles an hour I almost had the nerve to get back in the car and just start driving around the neighborhood but I didn't I progressed toward the house by the time I get here he comes outside in a panic explains to me how. He hasn't seen the dog and I simply explained what I saw coming out of the house.
Upon walking into the house I am already yelling at both of the kids about them being irresponsible and letting the dog out. However their rebuttal to the entire situation was that they hadn't left the door open and that a certain someone did. Which they weren't wrong as I mentioned that the friend walked out before me. In a rage I send the kids upstairs. Back outside I start to yell for our little family friend and low and behold I see him sprint up the street from where my car was parked. After all of the drama I end up back in the car sitting there mad.
Why in the world would his moms friend purposely let my dog out. It just didn't make any sense why didn't you let your exes dog out? Im quite sure she's wanted too especially after everything was said and done. Thats another narrative for another day. This is not even the tip of the iceberg. Me and this particular individual have our problems and it ties into the post where I talked about my exes mom taking my car back, "Dude where's your car" is the post title. Go check it out. Anyways this is just the tip of the iceberg. I personally feel like once you screw someone over you shouldn't lie about what actually happened. You shouldn't put someone in a critical situation and then turn around and act like everything is okay.
I can fault myself for not putting my foot down earlier and really talking about how I feel about everything. At the same time why do I have to keep it to myself when the other person is instigating? So that's where Im at, I had to realize that I had to actually comes to terms with how I felt about everything. I felt disrespected, and personally targeted but when I go talk about and express my emotions, it turns into me being crazy every single time. This is only one of many incidents I have yet to really go into to detail about how toxic my living situation is. I have yet to talk about how the negative effects are showing up in my children and I feel like I don't know what to do about it.
Anyways back to me in the car. I calm down and breathe and I call up a friend to vent, the friend that I called is familiar with the moms best friend and they have caught words in the past. The perspective that OI got from it was that I should calm down try to relax and just do my best to stay away from them. I am not going to lie it was kind of annoying to listen to but then again that could just be me being overwhelmed by my emotions. I took it all in stride and I made it and I took a minuet after the talk. I just knew this wasn't going to be the end of it and its not there's another situation that Im going to write about that stemmed from this from but I want to give it a separate narrative.
Me and the moms friend exchanged words and now the tension in the house is even worse. However I am tired of someone running around trying to throw their weight at people. The negativity weighs on my mental health and I am no longer putting myself aside for someone who can't seem to move on to the next phase of their life. I dont feel like a bad person and this situation won't one the last and I handled it a lot better then I would've a few years ago. So here's to us growing as people and working on our inner demons.
continuation coming soon....
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