Wednesday, December 20, 2017

Team lead or team loss Pt 2: FUCK THIS SHIT IM OUT

Where we left off was I had this whole thing going on at work where I was busting my ass to become a team lead. You know because that one team lead who believed in me but as time when on and a bunch of crazy shit jumped off I have shot that horse in the face and have decided to move on and find better goals. So this is a narrative of why ambition has never worked out in my favor letssssss goooo!!!!!

Now it all started with the shit talking asshole I call my co workers,  who all seemed like they had an extreme distaste for Raul and his nice smile and kind ways. For example we are all in this new project at tesla and to be fair nobody in my group knew what the hell they were doing but when they got a tiny taste of knowledge they all took an inch and turned it into a mile. Especially my Supervisor who to this day doesn't know if he's coming or going. Now because of the way everyone was lacking they figured since Raul was the team lead he should be the fall guy. (I know, they're being those people) I did my best to back him up but of course I have no credibility to this day.

Now it was because of all of that stigma, that I came to work to find that Raul got moved to the dock. I guess you could say that I was devastated, and most definitely devastated. I also remember running to the bathroom crying as if someone shot my puppy. Not just for the fact that he got moved but for the fact that  Markiz was going to take his place. Now the only reason this was a bad thing was because I got extremely bad vibes from this dude and I knew instantly that we weren't going to click but of course I gave it the benefit of the doubt only to be bit in the ass by it later.

When I went to go talk to Raul about it he seemed pretty happy to be moved and sort of indirectly stated that the people in my area were venom and that he was happy to be less stressed. I have to admit I had to give him props for making such a solid point and after that I guess you could say I was happy for him and we went our separate ways. I took the time after that to study Marckiz and to be honest I didn't like what he had to offer in anyway shape or form, and I could he feel that he didn't like the vibe I was running on either and that wasn't a shocker. Me as a person I am indeed an acquired taste. However that's still no excuse to be treated like a potato by some over confident midget.

He moved fast and he was demanding and he picked an chose when he was going to support you on the work that you did. The total OPPOSITE of Raul. I had gotten comfortable on the flow Raul had me on so I didn't plan on budging no matter how many demands he threw out at me. He was OCD and it was extra annoying he spent more time cleaning then actually getting more parts out and that wasn't even the worst part. The worst part was that sometimes he had this attitude that would make you smile but at the same time make you want to punch him in the face it was always a power struggle and it drove me crazy because sometime he had the habit of making me feel like less of a person.

That monster liked to rear his ugly head because we found ourselves in verbal disputes one day we got into a dispute so bad that it turned into an HR matter. I can't really say it was us that was more so just an employee deciding to stick their face where it didn't belong. Which was in the verbal dispute between me and a team lead but hey what can you do? Looking back on it we still laugh. However I will admit I wasn't laughing when I got issued that write up especially in front of my Super...If we could make a whole thing out of that, it would be a rant about how awkward it was when your super is trying to have an honest moment with you while you are in trouble.

I just remembered going back to work after that and deciding, I no longer wanted anything to do with leading a team because, then I would have to deal with someone like me and well that cup of tea is bitter so I decided to pour it into someone else cup and move on with my life and just be a regular associate you know the usual. Looking back on it I don't really regret it but at the same time its nice not to be in charge. It also sucked that I would have to kill the awkward crush that I had on Markiz. Im not attracted to men in a way I was attracted to him being so aloof to things and the way he smiled and messed with his hair.

To bad he's a married man now and i have to look the other way, plus I have my own relationship going on so I guess I can only dream about what we could have been. I will add that ambition had come out to play but it is a game of cat and chase right now. I have a couple of new endeavors coming up in the future but honestly they are something I am scared of. Not because I cant do it but because sometimes my follow through game isn't always the best when you look at it. I am still finding my way but eventually I do.

Moral of the story find out what you want to do in life and chase it. If that doesn't work out then always pursue other possibilities.